
*The death of “Ellen Degeneres Show executive producer and longtime DJ Stephen “tWitch” Boss continues to be a sad realization for fans, friends, and family.
For his wife Allison Holker, the passing is felt more as she learns more about her late spouse and the things he hid from her during their nine-year marriage. Boss died on December 13, 2022, from suicide. He was 40-years-old.
During an interview with People, Holker recounted a discovery she made in the days leading up to Boss’ funeral. It was in December 2022 when she found a “cornucopia” of drugs — including mushrooms, pills, and “other substances I had to look up on my phone” — hidden inside his shoeboxes inside their closet. At the time, Holker was trying to pick an outfit for Boss for the homegoing
“I was with one of my really dear friends, and we were cleaning out the closet and picking out an outfit for him for the funeral,” Holker told People.
“It was a really triggering moment for me because there were a lot of things I discovered in our closet that I did not know existed. It was very alarming to me to learn that there was so much happening that I had no clue [about],” she continued. “It was a really scary moment in my life to figure that out, but it also helped me process that he was going through so much and he was hiding so much, and there must have been a lot of shame in that.”

Despite the discovery, Holker believes Boss had “very honest” communication about his marijuana use during their marriage. As she looked through the 40-year-old’s journals after his death, she came across hidden secrets that she and others closest to him did not know of. Knowing Boss as she does, Holker feels he kept much of his pain to himself to avoid burdening his loved ones with his issues.
“He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and cope with all those feelings because he didn’t want to put it on anyone because he loved everyone so much,” she says of Boss, who alluded to being sexually abused by a male figure during his childhood in several of his journal entries. “He didn’t want other people to take on his pain.”
Although she initially felt betrayed, Holker credits therapy and time with her new view of the situation.
“Reading Stephen’s journals, and even going back into the books he had read and the things that he was highlighting and lining, really gave me a better perspective of where he was in life and the type of things he was struggling with,” she said. “It did have me feel a lot of empathy towards him and sadness for all the pain that he was holding.”

Holker’s comments come amid the release of her memoir “This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light.” The tome, which arrives Feb. 4 wherever books are sold, centers on the professional dancer’s healing journey in the aftermath of Boss’ death while sharing his struggles.
Overall, Holker hopes she can save even just one person who, like her husband, has been struggling in silence.
“It was really hard to put all the pieces together. Through certain discussions, even with friends and things that have been said, reading through his journals … you realize he went through a lot as a child and never faced it,” she says. “It’s hard to think that he never opened up to someone and wanted to face it, to get through on the other side. I really hope people dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and [know] you’re going to be okay.”
For more of Allison Holker’s interview with People about her late husband Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss, click here.

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