*I once knew a man who used that old phrase, “Quiet as it’s kept,” ad nauseam. “Quiet as it’s kept,” he’d say, “Joe and Judy won’t be together very long…” “Quiet as it’s kept, that company is not worth what they say it is…” “Quiet as it’s kept, that’s not his biological mom…”
I used to listen to him and think, quiet as it’s kept, my man, your version of “quiet” is deafening.
And yet, there is likely a secret he keeps. Someone revealed something to him that he has shared with no one—or maybe not.
Keeping secrets is one of humankind’s unique challenges. Honoring personal information by keeping it private is an act of trust and integrity. We’re asked to do it all the time; you would think we’d be better at it. Depending on who we are, maintaining secrets can be difficult.
The unraveling begins with the person who holds the secret. They may need to discuss the topic with someone or seek camaraderie in their perspective. Therefore, they confide in someone they believe they can trust. The individual who receives the secret then shares it with another person they think they can trust, and the cycle continues. Soon, the secret is no longer a secret.
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There are reasons why people repeat what they have been explicitly asked not to share.
One factor is ego. Some people enjoy being known for having information that no one else has. Then there’s the unspoken creed of those whose zeal is unadulterated gossip: You gotta bring some to get some—meaning, like bringing a dish to a potluck party, to get this juicy “tea,” that old vernacular for gossip, you must be willing to bring your share of he said-she said.
Of course, many people can keep a secret. They are disciplined in respecting what they have been entrusted to keep private. How’s this for irony: some secrets are famous (and infamous) simply because they endure as secrets. The formula for Coca-Cola has remained confidential for so long that its classification has become part of the soft drink’s marketing allure.
The identity of those responsible for the assassinations of President John F. Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. remains a mystery.
How did O.J. manage to pull it off?
Some people know these things. To hell with offbeat conspiracy theories and conjecture—a select group of Coke employees knows precisely what’s in that recipe, just as some knew exactly who killed JFK and MLK and why.
And I’m certain that we share the planet with at least one person, and perhaps others, who know the details of the Simpson/Goldman murders. These truths are known by individuals who, for various reasons, keep these secrets.
By the way, not every secret is worth keeping. Some secrets are outright evil. They dwell in a dark place. Whether known or unknown, such secrets harm individuals and families, altering destinies. Depending on their contents, a secret can gut the souls of those tasked with keeping it.
I’m better at keeping secrets. I’m even tight-lipped about things that aren’t explicitly presented as secrets but that I believe shouldn’t be shared around.
I learned this lesson about 20 years ago when a friend shared the stunning news that he was leaving L.A., moving to the Midwest, and remarrying his first wife from the ‘80s.
None of his family or friends liked her then, so he didn’t plan to share his intentions with them until after the marriage. He asked me to keep it between us. I appreciated that he chose me to keep his secret, and I agreed.
However, one day while on the phone with our mutual friend, I gave in to the urge to share what I had been told. I barely got my man’s name out before I was interrupted. “Oh, yeah, I understand he’s re-marrying ‘ol girl again. Maybe it’ll work this time.”
Not only did my friend already know the entire story, but he didn’t even get it from the horse’s mouth. Instead, he heard it from someone who had heard it from another person. Seeing my Midwest-bound buddy spread his own “secret” like a virus indiscriminately seemed so ugly. I resolved to keep a secret, even when the person it belongs to cannot.
I realized that when I’m told a secret, the responsibility immediately lies not with the person who asked me to keep it, but with me to keep my word. There’s a certain dignity in doing what you say you will do.
The revelation is simple: If you want to keep a secret, just keep it. There are things about me that only God and I know. And He ain’t talking.
Steven Ivory, veteran journalist, essayist, and author, covers popular culture across various platforms, including the Internet, TV, radio, documentaries, magazines, and newspapers. The Last Man on AOL is at [email protected]
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