A FIXED MINDSET IS THE REAL KILLER: Domestic Violence, and America’s Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Crisis

*On August 20, 2025, a school day in Little Rock, Arkansas, was shattered when Michelle Butler, a 36-year-old Little Rock School District employee, was fatally shot by Duane Nooner (29) outside Rockefeller Early Childhood Center.

Parents were forced to pick up their children through lockdown procedures, while staff who witnessed the shooting now carry scars that will outlive the headlines. Only days earlier, in Birmingham, Alabama, former UAPB wide receiver Demetrice Beverly was gunned down in what police called a “domestic love triangle gone deadly.” In both cases, the trigger was pulled by Black men whose unchecked emotions led to irreversible destruction.

These tragedies are not isolated incidents. They are part of a national crisis—an epidemic of domestic violence colliding with an even deeper crisis: the failure of men, particularly Black men, to master emotional intelligence (EQ) and social skills (social IQ) in their relationships.

A National Trend with Local Faces

According to various sources like the New Amsterdam News and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, domestic violence in America injures nearly 2 million women annually and kills roughly 1,300 each year. On average, more than three women a day are murdered by a husband, boyfriend, or ex-partner. NBC News stated that Black women suffer disproportionately: studies show they are three to six times more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than white women. Almost always, their killer is someone they know, usually with a gun.

The Little Rock shooting was a reminder of how domestic violence bleeds into public spaces. A woman lost her life in front of a school building. Dozens of employees, and indirectly hundreds of children, were forced into a trauma response—one that will ripple across homes and hallways long after the crime scene tape is gone.

The Birmingham case showed another face of this epidemic: a man’s rage upon discovering betrayal. Beverly, a husband and father, paid the ultimate price with his life. The shooter, also a Black man, will likely spend the rest of his years behind bars. Two families destroyed, children left fatherless, a community left to pick up the pieces.

The Real Crisis: Emotional and Social IQ

Much has been said about mental health. But we cannot keep using it as the blanket explanation for every act of intimate violence. What we are seeing is just as much a crisis of emotional and social intelligence.

Too many men, when confronted with betrayal, disrespect, or loss, respond as though killing is the only way to reclaim pride. That is not mental illness—it is a learned, corrupted mindset. It is a fixed mindset that says, “If she cheated, she must pay. If I lose her, nobody else can have her. If I feel humiliated, violence restores my manhood.”

This warped thinking has deadly consequences. Brothers, no matter how much hurt you feel, the moment you choose violence, everyone loses—you, her, the children, and the community.

We Need to Teach Men New Options

We must disrupt the cycle by teaching men—and especially young boys—how to respond responsibly in times of personal, social, or financial crisis. This requires work in families, schools, churches, and community organizations. But most importantly, it requires men to hold each other accountable.

Here are 10 alternatives for men instead of resorting to violence:

1. Walk away—removing yourself is strength, not weakness.
2. Call a friend, pastor, or mentor before reacting.
3. Journal or voice-record your emotions to process feelings.
4. Exercise or release energy physically in a safe way.
5. Seek professional counseling or therapy.
6. Lean on brotherhood circles or men’s groups for support.
7. Pray or meditate for clarity before acting.
8. Take time—hours or days—before addressing the issue.
9. Focus on your children or family responsibilities instead of revenge.
10. Choose life over ego. Remember: anger lasts minutes, but prison or death is forever.

And for women, who often bear the burden of violence, there are steps to protect oneself and avoid escalation:

1. Know the red flags early—jealousy, controlling behavior, isolation.
2. Maintain your independence—financially, socially, emotionally.
3. Build a safety plan with trusted family or friends.
4. Keep hotline numbers and shelters on hand.
5. Avoid secrecy—share your situation with someone safe.
6. Don’t ignore threats. Take them seriously.
7. Use the courts—restraining orders can save lives.
8. Document abuse through messages, pictures, or journals.
9. Teach children what healthy love looks like.
10. Prioritize your peace. You cannot fix him by staying.

Beyond the Headlines

Every time one of these tragedies occurs, we rush through the cycle: breaking news, arrest, funeral, silence. What we rarely do is address the root: a crisis of manhood, fueled by poor emotional regulation, toxic pride, and easy access to firearms.

America cannot legislate feelings, but we can—and must—raise emotional literacy to the same level as reading and writing. Teaching boys to name their emotions, resolve conflict peacefully, and value life over ego must be seen as a national priority. To the men reading this: strength is not in pulling a trigger, but in having the self-control to keep your family alive, your children’s future intact, and your own freedom preserved. We owe it to Michelle Butler. We owe it to Demetrice Beverly. We owe it to every woman and man whose name never makes the news, for devastating or/and deadly.

Domestic violence is not a private issue—it is a public epidemic. And until all men in America, not adult males, mature, godly and concerned alpha males confront the corrupted mindset that equates manhood with control, we will keep burying our sisters, our brothers, and our future. We can do better America. Put your money, I mean, your resources where your mouth is.

It’s time to unlearn the fixed mindset. It’s time to raise the bar for emotional and social intelligence for a growth mindset. It’s time to stop killing each other over betrayal, pride, and pain.

Because no matter how you slice it, nobody wins when the gun goes off.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Edmond W. Davis is a Social Historian, Collegiate Professor, International Journalist, and former Director of the Derek Olivier Research Institute. He is an expert on various historical and societal topics. He’s globally known for his work as a researcher regarding the history of the Tuskegee Airmen and Airwomen. He’s the Founder and Executive Director of America’s first & only National HBCU Black Wall Street Career Fest, and co-author of ‘GROWTH MINDSET: Developing a Growth Mindset to Respond-Responsibly.’ @edmondwdavis

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