*“What does a man do when the world refuses to respect him? He either breaks… or he demands that respect in the one place he still feels seen: home. But what if even that space becomes a battlefield?”
There’s a common belief floating around social media and modern relationship discourse: Black men prioritize submissiveness in women. But beneath the surface of that statement lies something far more complex—something rooted in survival, trauma, and a desperate need for dignity.
The truth is, Black men don’t just desire submission—we’re longing to be respected. And not just in our relationships, but in every space we occupy. Because far too often, respect is the one thing this world refuses to give us.
Look back at the beating of Rodney King in 1992. The murder of George Floyd in 2020. Different decades. Same outcome. These moments didn’t just spark outrage—they confirmed what many of us already knew in our bones: America does not value Black men. We are feared. We are criminalized. We are treated as threats before we are seen as humans.
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And that dehumanization doesn’t just happen in extreme, high-profile incidents. It happens every day, in quiet and humiliating ways. When we walk into a store and get followed by a suspicious clerk. When we get pulled over on the way home from work, and immediately treated like a suspect. When we speak up and are labeled “aggressive.” When we exist—and it’s considered too much.
Despite our brilliance, talent, and resilience, we are met with a unique brand of disrespect that many other groups will never fully grasp.
We are constantly being told, directly and indirectly, that we don’t belong. That we are not enough. That we are dangerous. And after absorbing that messaging for years—even decades—we start to believe it.
This is where relationships come in. In a world that tries to shrink us, many Black men look to relationships to feel seen, heard, and honored. We want a space where our masculinity isn’t policed or punished. Where our presence is welcomed, not feared. Where we are finally allowed to breathe.
But too often, that deep desire for respect shows up in unhealthy ways. We confuse respect with control. We demand peace, but haven’t created any within ourselves. We ask for submission, not realizing we’re masking wounds that haven’t been addressed. Because for many of us, we were never taught to admit we’re hurting. We were only taught to “man up.”
So instead of facing our pain, we cover it.
We pacify it with sex, video games, weed, and bravado.
We numb it. Avoid it. Laugh through it.
And in doing so, we bleed on the people trying to love us.
The pain we ignore plays a role in how we treat Black women.
When we feel powerless in society, we often try to reclaim that power at home. And if we’re not careful, we replicate the very oppression we claim to hate—silencing the voices of our women, dismissing their needs, or expecting them to shrink so we can feel big.
But the truth is, we don’t just need to be respected—we need to heal.
Because until we confront the trauma we carry, we’ll continue asking our women to carry it for us.
So no—this conversation isn’t just about submission. It’s about survival. It’s about identity. It’s about what happens to a man when the world tells him he’s nothing, and he starts to believe it—until he finds a woman and demands that she makes him feel like everything.
Black men deserve love. We deserve respect. But we also deserve healing.
And that healing starts with honesty—with looking in the mirror and saying: I’m not okay. But I want to be.
Because generational pain doesn’t stop until someone decides to face it. And that someone… could be us.
About the Author
Cory Haywood is a Dating and Fitness Coach who specializes in helping women attract, connect with, and sustain relationships with high-value men. With a unique blend of mindset coaching, emotional intelligence, and fitness strategy, Cory empowers women to elevate their confidence, heal from toxic patterns, and navigate dating with clarity and purpose. His bold, unfiltered approach to love, gender dynamics, and personal growth has garnered a growing online community of over 100,000 followers and counting. Follow him on Instagram: @corythetrainer
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