*Deborah Santana is sharing the deeply personal story of leaving her 34-year marriage to musician Carlos Santana in her upcoming memoir “Loving the Fire: Choosing Me, Finding Freedom.”
The 75-year-old activist reflects on her life, her marriage, and the steps she took toward reclaiming her independence and purpose. In an excerpt via PEOPLE, Deborah recalls the moment she decided to remove her wedding rings, a symbolic act of freeing herself from a marriage weighed down by unfulfilled promises.
She writes, “I began to want a solo life, to live without the burden of suspicion about Carlos’s infidelity and be open to new possibilities for myself, but I felt naked without my rings.” Reflecting on the weight of the bands, she adds, “The weight of the wedding rings on my left hand became heavy… I decided to take the rings off, to allow myself to be free.” Deborah later purchased a luminous white platinum band, which she describes as “announcing my marriage to the light of my soul,” noting, “Carlos never asked me where my rings were. I suppose he never noticed the change.”
Deborah also shares the careful steps she took to secure a fresh start. Without telling anyone, she searched for a new home in Kentfield, envisioning a life guided by her own values. “I tried to visualize what it would feel like to live with my own values and not function within a chaotic life I couldn’t control,” she writes.
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The pivotal moment came when she spoke with Carlos. She recalls saying, “I need six months by myself… I am too attached to you. I need this time, and I need you to honor my request.” Though initially resistant, Carlos eventually moved out.
She writes, “He slept in his studio that night. The next day he went out with his dear friend, Gary, and brought me back a gift. He was jovial and acting as he always did when I made a declaration of not wanting to continue with things as they were. But this time my spirit had flown; I was already gone — mentally, emotionally and spiritually.”
Deborah describes leaving her home of 21 years as both heartbreaking and liberating: “Each day, I was at zero, completely empty, learning to live all over again. I was at the base of the mountain, beginning my climb to enlightenment.”
Her memoir highlights the grief, courage, and self-discovery that followed, framing her separation as a journey toward personal freedom and healing.
“Loving the Fire: Choosing Me, Finding Freedom” offers an intimate look at Deborah Santana’s resilience and will be available wherever books are sold on April 21. The memoir is available for preorder.
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