*The topic of emotional dependency between a mother and son has social media users on alert, thanks to “Tonight’s Conversation” podcast co-host Ajna Surah.
The podcaster made her views known during a Season 3 episode of the platform, stating that “a lot of times, single mothers do everything but [fuck] their sons.” “Tonight’s Conversation” is an outlet known for its focus on Black love, relationships, and dating.
“That’s why a lot of the time I say a single mother is a ‘fuckboy factory,’” she explained in the episode before claiming that a fuckboy raised in a two-parent household was an “anomaly.”
Madame Noire noted Surah’s claims, adding that the podcaster felt that many single moms become far too “emotionally dependent” on their male children. According to Ajna, women who “date” their sons “will convince themselves that they don’t need a man.” The reason, she continued, centered on the mothers placing their child in a romantic role.
With this mindset, Surah argued that some women problematically treat their sons like their lovers because they struggle to navigate the realities of their loneliness, the site reported.
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“And now we’re having to deal with the imbalance in the household because this boy is not your son — he is your man,” Surah said. “When you want to cuddle, you go lay down with them. When you want some emotional time, you go watch movies with them. You touch them and you rub them and you massage them and you do these things…”
Soon after her comments went public, folks took to Instagram to give their opinions on the controversial topic. Needless to say, the feedback was mixed.
While some Instagrammers voiced not encountering a boy mom who is single and inappropriately looking to their son for love, others wondered if this topic was one Surah, a mother of one, was personally familiar with.
On the other side, some agreed with Surah. To them, the co-host’s argument was full of truth in that mothers who leaned on their sons for emotional support and stability were often problematic when the child brought around a spouse.
“She is speaking the truth, but the majority of single mothers don’t do this,” said one commenter.
“I’VE TALKED TO PLENTY OF WOMEN WHO TREATED THEIR SONS LIKE THEIR MAN AND NOT A SON. But so many women commenting saying they don’t know any women who do that. WELL, SOMEBODY IS LYING HERE,” another user voiced.
“She told the truth, “a third commenter mentioned.” And this is when you’ll see that when that boy becomes a man and gets his own relationship with a woman, the mother is there hovering and sabotaging. This is a word!”
As the discussion continued, one person mentioned parentification and specification, two conditions the person felt are very real.
Citing WebMD, Madame Noire noted that emotional parentification takes place when parents “impose their emotional needs on their children and seek emotional and mental support from them.”
The site added that the emotional toll on the child can result in long-term mental health stressors like depression and anxiety.
Regarding spousification, Madame Noire, via a reading published in a 2015 copy of the Developmental Review on confusion in parent-child relationships, defined the term as “flirtatious or overly physically intimate parental behavior towards a child that would be more appropriate between parent and romantic partner.”
So, what do you think? Does Surah have a point in her assessment of emotional dependency between a mother and son or is she off base with something that could signal a deeper problem?
Weigh in below with your thoughts:
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