*I’m 33 years old.
I started cooking for MYSELF at the tender age of 9. I watched my mother cook, learned her techniques, and now, as an adult, I can cook my own meals.
I don’t NEED a woman to cook for me. It’s not a requirement or a standard that I subscribe to, mainly because I’m a grown-ass man with hands and a brain.
I can take my black ass to the kitchen and heat up a stove. I can get in my car and drive to the nearest restaurant. And if I’m really in a hurry, I can just pop something in the microwave.
It’s not hard – I promise.
But in relationships, too often, men have unrealistic – and totally outdated – expectations for their partners.
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Here’s a scenario – it’s 6pm, and a woman gets home from work, picking up kids from school, and running various errands. When she opens the door, she doesn’t smell any food cooking. The dinner table is empty. Meanwhile, her lazy ass boyfriend is splayed on the couch, watching Netflix, or playing a video game. It’s his day off – he’s been on the couch for hours scratching himself and eating the fruit snacks that his kids take with them for lunch. What’s wrong with this picture?
I’ll tell you – a man like this (let’s call him, Tyrone) expects his woman to cook him a meal, or bring food home even if she’s been out grinding all day. It doesn’t occur to his lazy ass that because he’s at home, with available time and energy, he should be the one cooking, or at least order some take-out. No, he just sits and waits for his woman to come home, when he’ll ask “hey boo, what’s for dinner?”
A grown-ass man should have the ability, and willingness, to feed himself, clean after himself, and even cook for his family if necessary. The idea that cooking and cleaning is a “woman’s job” is totally ridiculous.
If you’re an adult, male or female, you should know how to cook a meal. You should want to clean up after your dirty self. These tasks aren’t gender-specific, they aren’t standards in a relationship that anyone – male or female – should adhere to. If you’re a f*cking adult, the two most basic things you should know are how to cook and clean. Period.
Just as I don’t believe women should hold men to any gender-related expectations, the same applies in reverse. If you’re a man looking for a “good woman,” then cooking and cleaning shouldn’t be on your list of priorities or standards. It’s convenient to have a woman do these things for you. It’s satisfying to come home and eat a meal your woman has prepared, or sit in a clean living room while you watch the game. If a woman performs these tasks, then more power to her – it makes her even more valuable. But cooking and cleaning shouldn’t be REQUIREMENTS – that ended in the 20th century.
Instead, fellas, wash your own damn clothes. Cook your own damn food. Be a fucking ADULT. And if your woman decides to cook or clean, be grateful, because it’s not her JOB to feed and clean up after your grown ass. The Bible might suggest otherwise. Your grandfather might disagree with my premise. But in this day and age, there’s way too much going on for a woman to be catering to you like a child. It shouldn’t be an obligation or a mandate. It should happen because she loves and cares about you.
After all, y’all ni**as don’t want these women asking: “Can you f*ck?” “Can you pay all the bills?”
For many of y’all, the answer is “no.”
Just sayin’. It’s about teamwork, not gender roles. Enjoy it when she cooks. But don’t EXPECT anything.
Southern California-based Cory A. Haywood is a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: firstname.lastname@example.org and/or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood. His controversial book, “Coon Flakes: Musings of an Uppity Negro,” is available for purchase on Amazon ($4.49), barnesandnoble.com, and books.apple.com.