*That recurring fight keeps popping up and it seems like nothing in particular sets it off. It’s when you do the dishes wrong, or your spouse doesn’t walk the dog, or when neither of you can be intimate any more.
When is it time to consider marriage counseling?
There’s no shame in looking for outside help. We go to the doctor when we’re sick, the mechanic when our car isn’t running right, why not the marriage counselor when there’s trouble in paradise?
Read on to see whether or not you should go to marriage counseling.
The Trigger
Not every relationship that fights is doomed. Many successful relationships hash it out all the time. The difference between a strong relationship and one that is failing is what you and your spouse say during those fights.
The big thing to watch out for is when you and your spouse begin attacking each other instead of attacking the problem. These attacks can take a few forms
Criticism
It is a bad sign when you and your spouse begin to assault each other’s character traits. If he didn’t walk the dog, he’s lazy. If she didn’t clean the house, she’s a slob.
It’s better to look at this from your spouse’s perspective. Was there something that prevented him or her from doing what you expected? What does he or she think about the situation?
Contempt
Anything that conveys that you are disgusted with your spouse (or that your spouse is disgusted with you) is a big problem. This could be eye rolling, ignoring, personal insults, or other things that your spouse knows are offensive.
Defensiveness
Defensiveness is when one person insists that it’s not their fault, but someone else’s. This type of gut reaction makes the problem worse since it causes the other person to be defensive as well.
When everyone is sure that the problem isn’t their own fault, it’s almost impossible to find a solution.
Disengaging
Disengaging happens when one person checks out of the relationship. They give up on the arguments, lose any sense of intimacy, and are uninterested.
It’s hard to fix any problem with a disengaged person since they are uninterested. Calling out this behavior may be your best bet.
Consider Marriage Counseling
When you detect any of the signs above, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. If you and your spouse just can’t get along, always blame each other, and feel like you’re checking out, then getting some help may be a good move.
Think of it like going to the doctor for a bad back. Sometimes you just need a little tune-up and all is well.
You can also consider finding a marriage counselor for preventive care. Counselors know what problems couples suffer with and know what it takes to get through these issues and avoid divorce.
Your Next Move?
We get it. Relationships are hard and hurt us sometimes. This is all the more reason to consider marriage counseling.
Check out our relationship section on the site learn more about what’s going on in the world of relationships and how you can have a better one.
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