Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Commentary/Black Women 101: Hey Fellas, She Wants Your Wallet, Not Your Leadership

black women, black men, black relationships

*Class is in session.

I’m talking to the brothers right now. Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard a black woman say: “I’ll be willing to submit when I find a man who can properly lead.”

I’ll wait. Are you done cursing the name of the last black woman you dated…you know, the one who claims to be a team player on all of her Facebook posts, but when she’s actually in a relationship, her actions indicate that following a man’s lead is the furthest thing from mind?

Before I continue with my rant (and yes, this is an effing rant), I’d like to point out that a mature relationship doesn’t require “leadership” from either party. As an adult male, I don’t need (nor do I want) anyone to help me navigate my life, and I believe the same should apply to mature women. We don’t live in the stone age, why do black women pretend to want men who can lead, when in actually, two equally yoked adults should be helping one another grow and prosper (not telling each other what to do). Besides, the average black woman simply isn’t coachable or willing to follow a man’s lead (not unless he’s ready to break his bank account wide open).

That’s right, when black women say they want a man who can “lead,” what they really mean is: “I want a man who will spoil me rotten and then maybe I’ll consider, kinda, sorta listening to what he has to say.” See fellas, the key isn’t getting them to respect your mind or your convictions, or even your passions (because that won’t happen unless what you’re passionate about generates income).

Nope, if you want a black woman’s respect (whatever that looks like these days), she must first respect your bank account, and she must also be convinced that your wallet isn’t stingy. In her mind, taking the lead doesn’t mean encouraging her to eat right and exercise regularly (that clearly isn’t effective because there are SO many heavyset sisters across the world squeezing themselves into undersized clothes). A black woman’s idea of “following” isn’t being open and receptive to constructive criticism from her mate to become a better person. To black women, leadership doesn’t include a man taking the initiative to familiarize himself with his spouse’s goals in life so that he might assist her in achieving them.

No, a black woman’s idea of leadership is something like: “Hey babe, don’t worry about your car note, imma spend MY hard earned money to pay for one of YOUR monthly expenses”. Here’s another example: “Hey babe, I know you’re late on your rent this month because you decided to spend two-thousand dollars on a new weave, so Ima take care of dat for you”. Here’s one more for good measure: “Hey babe, pack a bag, I’ve booked us a suite in Vegas for the weekend.”

Yup, the average black woman is willing to follow a man’s lead alright…into a Prada store. Give me a break.

Don’t get me wrong, every man should do what’s in his power to ensure that his woman is happy, healthy and whole. But fellas, don’t let some random bimbo trick you with the ookie doke. Be smart, look for the signs, and drop her like a bad habit if you get the slightest inkling that earning her respect (and thusly her submissiveness) will require a VISA, MasterCard, or American Express.

In my opinion, Walt Disney is responsible for this madness. That’s right, the man who gave us Snow White deserves blame for indoctrinating young girls with the idea that they should be treated like a princess by their mate (damn those Disney movies!).

When these young girls grow to be young women, their ability to “follow” a man’s lead is practically non-existent due to a thorough sense of entitlement. This issue goes even deeper for black women, many of whom experience life without the presence of a father (or like figure). They generally lack the understanding of how a man DESERVES to be treated by his woman, yet they still have the unmitigated gall to expect royal treatment in a relationship.

That’s unacceptable.

Meanwhile, it seems brothers have forgotten that the beginning of man originated with Adam (Eve came later), and for that reason, men should be viewed as a prize worthy of a woman’s respect. That right fellas, we deserve to be swept off our feet just as much as they do.

In the 20th century, a black woman’s idea of “leadership” consisted of a man working to earn a decent living to provide for his family and build for retirement. Today, a simple blue collar job isn’t enough (not if a man wants complete authority over his home). It’s quite simple, the more you EARN, the more she’ll CONSIDER respecting you (because black women rarely ever give respect freely or sincerely).

cory haywood - yall nasty - screenshot
Cory Haywood

The Black Hat is written by  Southern California based  Cory A. Haywood, a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: and/or visit his blogs: and




  1. This dude sounds like a Bitter Betty! He either got played by the wrong or right chick. Leadership means that a woman can trust you to lead the household, not tell her how to navigate life. Leadership means she can trust the decisions you make in life, because ultimately your decisions will impact her. For example, if a man has an argument with a woman, can he work to resolve the matter respectfully and timely or will he disappear and not call for days and then come back and say ‘what’s the big deal?’, like we’re suppose to forget that he just went ghost. Or do you have a Rolex and live in your mother’s basement? Who is this man going to lead? How does a woman say, that’s a man I can trust with my life blindly? Ultimately, you are what you attract. Change your standards (good or bad) and those changes will be reflected in the outcome.

  2. Is this satire? Lead and submit are straight up Negro foolishness. Men who continue to attract gold diggers are men who choose women for their oral skills and those sisters have to get paid. Women who have something else going for them don’t need your gold because they have their own. Women who have their own gold are not trying to follow or submit to anyone because that is not what a partnership is about. Relationships that survive are about compromise and accommodation, not dominance and power plays, Rea; Black women are not looking for leaders, they are looking for love, friendship and validation and they is what they are offering, not submission.Who would want submission when they can have respect? I really hope the above piece is satire, because if it is not, it’s very sad.

  3. ” Black women are not looking for leaders, they are looking for love, friendship and validation and they is what they are offering, not submission.Who would want submission when they can have respect?”

    i think you just validated Corey’s point…..without intending to.


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