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Commentary/Black Women 101: Hey Fellas, She Wants Your Wallet, Not Your Leadership



black women, black men, black relationships

*Class is in session.

I’m talking to the brothers right now. Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard a black woman say: “I’ll be willing to submit when I find a man who can properly lead.”

I’ll wait. Are you done cursing the name of the last black woman you dated…you know, the one who claims to be a team player on all of her Facebook posts, but when she’s actually in a relationship, her actions indicate that following a man’s lead is the furthest thing from mind?

Before I continue with my rant (and yes, this is an effing rant), I’d like to point out that a mature relationship doesn’t require “leadership” from either party. As an adult male, I don’t need (nor do I want) anyone to help me navigate my life, and I believe the same should apply to mature women. We don’t live in the stone age, why do black women pretend to want men who can lead, when in actually, two equally yoked adults should be helping one another grow and prosper (not telling each other what to do). Besides, the average black woman simply isn’t coachable or willing to follow a man’s lead (not unless he’s ready to break his bank account wide open).

That’s right, when black women say they want a man who can “lead,” what they really mean is: “I want a man who will spoil me rotten and then maybe I’ll consider, kinda, sorta listening to what he has to say.” See fellas, the key isn’t getting them to respect your mind or your convictions, or even your passions (because that won’t happen unless what you’re passionate about generates income).

Nope, if you want a black woman’s respect (whatever that looks like these days), she must first respect your bank account, and she must also be convinced that your wallet isn’t stingy. In her mind, taking the lead doesn’t mean encouraging her to eat right and exercise regularly (that clearly isn’t effective because there are SO many heavyset sisters across the world squeezing themselves into undersized clothes). A black woman’s idea of “following” isn’t being open and receptive to constructive criticism from her mate to become a better person. To black women, leadership doesn’t include a man taking the initiative to familiarize himself with his spouse’s goals in life so that he might assist her in achieving them.

No, a black woman’s idea of leadership is something like: “Hey babe, don’t worry about your car note, imma spend MY hard earned money to pay for one of YOUR monthly expenses”. Here’s another example: “Hey babe, I know you’re late on your rent this month because you decided to spend two-thousand dollars on a new weave, so Ima take care of dat for you”. Here’s one more for good measure: “Hey babe, pack a bag, I’ve booked us a suite in Vegas for the weekend.”

Yup, the average black woman is willing to follow a man’s lead alright…into a Prada store. Give me a break.

Don’t get me wrong, every man should do what’s in his power to ensure that his woman is happy, healthy and whole. But fellas, don’t let some random bimbo trick you with the ookie doke. Be smart, look for the signs, and drop her like a bad habit if you get the slightest inkling that earning her respect (and thusly her submissiveness) will require a VISA, MasterCard, or American Express.

In my opinion, Walt Disney is responsible for this madness. That’s right, the man who gave us Snow White deserves blame for indoctrinating young girls with the idea that they should be treated like a princess by their mate (damn those Disney movies!).

When these young girls grow to be young women, their ability to “follow” a man’s lead is practically non-existent due to a thorough sense of entitlement. This issue goes even deeper for black women, many of whom experience life without the presence of a father (or like figure). They generally lack the understanding of how a man DESERVES to be treated by his woman, yet they still have the unmitigated gall to expect royal treatment in a relationship.

That’s unacceptable.

Meanwhile, it seems brothers have forgotten that the beginning of man originated with Adam (Eve came later), and for that reason, men should be viewed as a prize worthy of a woman’s respect. That right fellas, we deserve to be swept off our feet just as much as they do.

In the 20th century, a black woman’s idea of “leadership” consisted of a man working to earn a decent living to provide for his family and build for retirement. Today, a simple blue collar job isn’t enough (not if a man wants complete authority over his home). It’s quite simple, the more you EARN, the more she’ll CONSIDER respecting you (because black women rarely ever give respect freely or sincerely).

cory haywood - yall nasty - screenshot

Cory Haywood

The Black Hat is written by  Southern California based  Cory A. Haywood, a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his blogs: and




  1. Ronnie

    May 22, 2017 at 6:22 am

    This dude sounds like a Bitter Betty! He either got played by the wrong or right chick. Leadership means that a woman can trust you to lead the household, not tell her how to navigate life. Leadership means she can trust the decisions you make in life, because ultimately your decisions will impact her. For example, if a man has an argument with a woman, can he work to resolve the matter respectfully and timely or will he disappear and not call for days and then come back and say ‘what’s the big deal?’, like we’re suppose to forget that he just went ghost. Or do you have a Rolex and live in your mother’s basement? Who is this man going to lead? How does a woman say, that’s a man I can trust with my life blindly? Ultimately, you are what you attract. Change your standards (good or bad) and those changes will be reflected in the outcome.

    • al

      October 3, 2017 at 9:39 pm

      see simp above.

  2. Donna

    May 22, 2017 at 11:17 am

    Is this satire? Lead and submit are straight up Negro foolishness. Men who continue to attract gold diggers are men who choose women for their oral skills and those sisters have to get paid. Women who have something else going for them don’t need your gold because they have their own. Women who have their own gold are not trying to follow or submit to anyone because that is not what a partnership is about. Relationships that survive are about compromise and accommodation, not dominance and power plays, Rea; Black women are not looking for leaders, they are looking for love, friendship and validation and they is what they are offering, not submission.Who would want submission when they can have respect? I really hope the above piece is satire, because if it is not, it’s very sad.

  3. al

    October 3, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    ” Black women are not looking for leaders, they are looking for love, friendship and validation and they is what they are offering, not submission.Who would want submission when they can have respect?”

    i think you just validated Corey’s point…..without intending to.

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The Virtual United Negro College Fund Tour Heads to NY, DC & NJ on Fri & Sat-Nov. 20 & 21 (EUR EXCLUSIVE!)




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*African American students interested in going to college can attend the United Negro College Fund’s (UNCF) Fall 2020 virtual Empower Me Tour. Set for this Friday and Saturday (November 20 & 21, 2020), New York, District of Columbia, and New Jersey will be repped. (This year’s tour kicked off earlier this month in Wisconsin and Illinois). To register, go here.

The Empower Me Tour is an extension of the goals of the UNCF. Founded in 1944, the UNCF, a non-profit, has raised more than $5 billion and helped more than 500,000 students attend 37 private historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs).

The EUR caught up with Stacey Lee, the tour’s director for four years, who discussed the importance of the event.

“The UNCF is the nation’s largest provider of education support to minority students,” said Lee. “The Empowerment Tour has been executed for the past 12 years and last year along we offered over $12 million dollars in scholarships.”

MORE NEWS/RELATED: BMEE Authors: Urgent Steps Are Necessary to Address Implicit Bias in Early Education  

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Stacey Lee, director of the Empower Me Tour. (Photo credit: UNCF)

Lee continued, “I think the great thing is that during these times, even with COVID-19, is that a number of corporations (Wells Fargo/P&/FedEx/Disney/Goldman Sachs) and donors have really been providing opportunity and financial access to our schools and students.”

The tour is packed with information and resources so that students and parents have the right tools to make informed decisions.

“It’s a free event that provides educational support, scholarships, interviews with colleges, empowerment, and information on how to get to and through college. We also provide this information for parents as well. We have a parent section that focuses on financial aid and the things you need to get your students to college.”

emt offering

Source: Empower Me Tour

Lee continued, “Sometimes we have students that don’t realize that they can attend college. They can receive scholarships. Some of them don’t even know what an HBCU is. So, it’s inspirational for me to see these students receive this information and the excitement that’s around this tour.”

In addition to college information, panel sessions on issues affecting the community will also take place. Legendary rapper Bun B will be part of a special My Black Is Beautiful panel. The panel will have discussions with girls and boys and the MC will lead the male portion.

“It’s about empowerment,” Bun B told the EUR. “It’s vital for us to lift each other up and amplify each other’s voices. We just talk about now what that role is in this COVID world. And with everything that we are seeing with young Black men on television, we want to keep them motivated and centered. We want to make sure that they are not discouraged in this moment.”

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Legendary rapper Bun B is a panelist at the Empower Me Tour. (Photo credit: UNCF)

Ever since Kamala Harris threw her hat into the presidential race and elected vice president of the United States, a spotlight has shined on the fact that she’s an HBCU grad (Howard University) and member of the African American sorority Alpha Kappa Alpha. These facts are not lost on the UNCF.

“Kamala has really boosted people’s awareness about HBCUs and (African American sororities) and the type of people that come out of HBCUs. HBCUS have also provided so many people from science, mathematics, and engineering programs (STEM).”

Bun B added, “We have more than enough examples to show you how beneficial an education from an HBCU can be. So, there is no reason to not be a part of an HBCU because the world is just as available to you as it is for anyone else attending any other type of university.”

Register for the virtual Empower Me Tour on November 20 & 21, 2020 here. Spring tour dates will be announced soon. For general information on the United Negro College Fund, go here.

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(Photo credit: UNCF)

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Apple News

New Music Buzz: Jazzy Rita Shelby’s ‘Goodbye 2020’



Goodbye 2020 Jazzy Rita Shelby
Goodbye 2020 Jazzy Rita Shelby

After all that’s happened this year, it’s time to say Goodbye 2020. New single available by Jazzy Rita Shelby at most digital platforms.

*SB Music presents “Goodbye 2020” a new single for the times we are in.

“Goodbye 2020” is performed by Jazzy Rita Shelby and written by Miss Shelby (ASCAP) and Eddie Lawrence Miller (BMI).

It’s the perfect anthem to end a year that has impacted the globe.

Jazzy Rita Shelby Goodbye 2020 looking up - Copy

Jazzy Rita Shelby is fed up with this year and elated about her new single “Goodbye 2020.” Avail now from SB Music (Written by L. Shelby & E. Miller)

EURweb’s Jazzy Rita is also a prolific lyricist who has teamed up with Eddie Miller for “Goodbye 2020” because it was timely and convenient for the birth of a song such as this.

Eddie Miller is a coveted keyboardist & vocalist who performs regularly with Brian Culbertson and he’s the Rhodes Festival musical director. Jazzy Rita rose to notoriety as host & performer at The Starlight Jazz Serenade, an annual benefit concert in North Hollywood with an A list of stars.  As a teen Miss Shelby was inspired to write songs by the legendary David Porter.

This year has been a year like no other.  “Goodbye 2020” is an ode to the world for the year that we have seen and the hope that lies ahead.  Radio Programmers click here for adds.

MORE NEWS: THE REAL: The Ladies’ Experience With Stereotypes in Hollywood. Plus, Cheryl Hines Is Here!

“Goodbye 2020” is released on the SB Music label and was recorded at Wishing Wells Studio in Canoga Park, CA.  Willie Daniels and Mildred Black perform background vocals along with Jazzy Rita.  The video is produced & directed by Jazzy Rita (LaRita Shelby), filmed & edited by Reggie Simon of Simon Vision Media, with wardrobe styling by Jazzy Rita and Poet Roni Girl’s Army Couture.  “Goodbye 2020” is available on most digital platforms.  Click here to listen on Spotify.


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Celebrate Halloween with ‘Spell’ Starring Omari Hardwick, Loretta Devine and John Beasley / WATCH




Spell - poster

*Today/TONIGHT is Halloween and what could be a more perfect way to celebrate than with the release of SPELL? Enjoy the clips below to get you in the spooky spirit!

Omari Hardwick (“Power,” Sorry to Bother You), Loretta Devine (“Black-ish,” Crash) and John Beasley (The Sum of All FearsThe Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks) star in the terrifying thriller SPELL, coming to Premium Video-On-Demand and Digital today October 30 from Paramount Home Entertainment.

While flying to his father’s funeral in rural Appalachia, an intense storm causes Marquis (Omari Hardwick) to lose control of the plane carrying him and his family.  He awakens wounded, alone and trapped in Ms. Eloise’s (Loretta Devine) attic, who claims she can nurse him back to health with the Boogity, a Hoodoo figure she has made from his blood and skin. Unable to call for help, Marquis desperately tries to outwit and break free from her dark magic and save his family from a sinister ritual before the rise of the blood moon.

WHOA! READ THIS: Disabled Siblings Found Living with Dead Body of Mother Decomposing Under Pile of Clothes

DIRECTED BY | Mark Tonderai


STARRING | Omari Hardwick, Loretta Devine, John Beasley

AVAILABLE ON DIGITAL PLATFORMS | Apple TV, Amazon Prime Video, Google Play, DirecTV, VUDU, Xfinity, FandangoNOW and more.

Rating | R – violence, disturbing/bloody images, and language







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