*I’ve got good news and bad news for you, dear reader. Research shows that black women are rapidly closing the income gap between us and white women. We are the highest-enrolled in colleges and universities of all minorities, and lead with starting small businesses. But with all that #blackgirlmagic, we still lag behind in wealth, and the reason for it is simple: Black women deal with too many dusty men. I mean, we’re matching up with men so dusty Swiffers run screaming.
In a jarring report, The inheritance of black poverty: It’s all about the men,
hosted by the Brookings Institute, the thing that holds so many black women back is directly related to who we wake up to every morning. “This is because black women continue to have substantially lower levels of household income than white women, both because they are less likely to be married and because black men earn less than white men,” says the report.
Fellow author, Ralph Richard Banks, who wrote Is Marriage for White People? once told me this: Who you choose to marry and make children with will be the single most important thing that determines your long-term wealth and health. Even with all the trappings of a modern society, the basics still matter–a lot.
So what does this mean? You might think that the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate & Relate, Mixing Race, Culture & Creed might tell you to run out a get a white man. Eh…no. I don’t want you to run, because ladies sashay. They glide. They saunter towards high-quality men of all races who display competency in protecting, providing and producing.
TRUMP’S ‘LYNCHING’ TWEET COMPARED TO HIS ADVOCATING FOR THE EXECUTION OF ‘THE CENTRAL PARK 5’
Ever get tired of folks telling black women to “choose better” when it comes to men, but then want to tie their hands on how these men are acquired and what level of melanin they possess. Non-black women tend to feel much freer about choosing the best man for the job, and rejecting man who think it’s cute to be 35 and still selling mixtapes on the street corner. Conversely, black women are told to lower our expectations, date for potential, or build a brother from the ground up. We are pushed to be more of a mother figure than an actual partner, which leaves us exhausted, frustrated, and poorer.
You work too hard to be on par with the greater society to only stay poor because you are a neurosurgeon who dates the dusty dudes on the corner. We’ve leveled up in education and our professions. Now it’s time to level-up our relationships.
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For many of us, that kind of transformation is going to mean expanding and extending outside of what may traditionally be more comfortable for us. Disruption–even the good kind–can be uncomfortable at first. You’re going to have to develop skills on how to navigate larger ecosystems so that you have a larger pool of quality men in which to choose. You might need to take a good look at how you can package your appearance to be universally appealing. Your friends who might be encouraging you to continue low-expectation dating may need to be put off for a while.
Just as my friend professor Banks said, this is just too important to ignore. You’ve worked hard to develop your skills so you can have a better life, right? That’s only half the battle. The other half is how you cultivate your social life.
About Christelyn Karazin
Christelyn Karazin is a formally-trained etiquette and protocol coach and creator of The Pink Pill, the first online self-improvement course specifically for black women. She is also the co-author of Swirling: How To Date, Mate & Relate, Mixing Race, Culture & Creed and a brand ambassador for InterracialDatingCentral.com.
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