*90’s R&B singer Tweet details her rocky road to fame, contemplating suicide and how Missy Elliot became her guardian angel in a new episode of BET’s “Finding” series.
She also explains why it took her over 10 years to get back into the studio, why her relationship with her daughter was strained and recounts partying with the late-great Whitney Houston.
Peep some highlights from the BET exclusive below (via MadameNoire) and watch the full interview via clip above.
Getting sat down in church for getting pregnant.
Becoming a mother so young in the church, I got sat down. If I was in the choir, I couldn’t sing in the choir anymore. And I was ashamed because back then that was something you don’t do. You don’t talk about sex. You don’t do anything. You just don’t wear makeup. You just wear skirts and you just sing for the Lord and that’s your life. I know I disappointed my mom and my dad but I don’t regret it, you know? Because I have a beautiful, young lady now. But it was hard at first because back then you didn’t do that. A lot of the girls that did it was called fast. I wasn’t fast. But that’s what it was back then.
Working with DeVante Swing
On Wednesdays, we would have meetings in the kitchen of the studio and he would bring his dog Skillz. Remember that episode of “Martin” and he was doing Nino Brown? THat’s how it was for real, for us. That’s how harsh it was. He was really serious about the music.
The number one thing for us was, we couldn’t listen to anything on the radio. We couldn’t watch anybody on TV artist-wise because he wanted us to sit and be comfortable in our own originality. So I just learned to be myself and not compromise who I am. And he was hard on him, very, very hard. But I appreciate it now.
Contemplating suicide before her career took off
Susie (on of her group members in Sugah) and I were both mothers and we were tired of doing the same thing over and over again. We kept getting deals and not delivering the product. Everybody had left from Missy, Tim[baland], Ginuwine and Playa so we were the last group left and we didn’t feel like nothing was going to come of it, so we decided to disband. I was devastated.
I used to ride out here to beach and go to the water and think about what am I going to do. Because I had a daughter. I had no job, no money. I had nothing. So I’m thinking I’m going to jump in the water. But I’m so scared of the water, I can’t even swim.
Missy Elliot being her guardian angel
One day, out of the blue, Missy called me and was like, ‘I need you out in LA.’ I was like, ‘Whatever. Alright girl. I’ll talk to you later.’ At that time, I was contemplating doing something to myself. And she came at the time—I always call her my guardian angle because she came at the time when I didn’t want to be here anymore.
You know, being a mother you want to be able to support and take care of your child and I couldn’t do it and it hurt my heart.
She said, ‘Okay, you better have your bags packed.’ The next day, she had a limo at my house. And I was on my way to LA to do her background vocals. She came at the right time. Always though.
Why she left the music industry
Electra merged with Atlantic. They didn’t know who I was, my craft. They wanted me to do more street, urban stuff. So they took off half of my records. And we had to do five with Missy and Soul Diggers. First single came out, “Turn The Lights Off,” That was it. They didn’t promote the video or anything. Nothing happened. I was done at that point. disappeared, I shut everybody out because I was mad. We had a whole album done and ready. And they made me compromise and didn’t do anything. I got a daughter, I’m about to go home. Stay home. And that’s what I did. Started going back to church, rededicated my life to God. It was a ten-year hiatus before I did that.
I remember watching BET Gospel and Tonex was singing, “Lord Make Me Over.” Now at that point, I was smoking three packs a day, I was drinking Bombay wine all day. I had isolated myself so much, I didn’t even want people to see me. I had found this apartment in Atlanta and was in there just smoking and drinking myself. I hadn’t even allowed my daughter to come over.
And in one of my drunken episodes, I watched Tonex sing “Lord Make Me Over” and i fell to my knees and started crying. I never called it depression. I used to always say God hated me. I used to call myself a lab rat for God. Then I would get mad and just shut down. But I didn’t know that that was depression. And it still creeps up sometimes because the industry is cruel.
The relationship with her daughter
My relationship with my daughter is something. We have this on and off relationship because she’s still a little mad that I wasn’t there. So we’re still working through stuff but I feel like she’s getting what—is mad at me for. I’m now in her position to take care of her son. She’s like, ‘Ma, now I know what you’re talking about. I’m so sorry.’ And I’m like ‘Umm hmm girl, I told you.’ We’re working through a lot of stuff. It’s a lot of healing that needs to take place and we’re working on it.
Her spirituality
When I was on that hiatus, I woke up praying and on my knees. I was reading the Word all day like I was one of those militant Christians. But today, I have a relationship with Him. It’s not religious, it’s spiritual. I’m not the deep Christian. I’m a woman of God and we have a relationship. I talk to Him like I’m talking to you. And I don’t have to be on my knees to communicate. He’s still working with me. I’m still a work in progress, like everybody else. As long as I’m in that progress and process, then I’ll be alright. Just a little girl from Rochester, trying to make it still.
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