*Michelle Perkins, executive director of the Turning Point Alcohol & Drug Education Program (AOD) in Los Angeles, will tell you without any reservation, that she had a hard way to go in her early life.
She endured abuse, grew up with a “horrible” mother who did drugs, fell victim to drugs herself, became homeless, lost custody of her children, and was a revolving-door inmate of the county jail system going in and out at least ‘20 times,’ as well as in and out of prison three times – sometimes doing 20 months. She’s proud to say she hasn’t been incarcerated since 2000. Perkins admits that she could have just ‘quit’ on herself, but instead, she pulled herself together and decided to help others who have a shared life experience.
That’s why she founded Turning Point AOD, an organization dedicated to helping adolescents, adults, the homeless population, formerly incarcerated men, women, and transitional-aged youth who have been marginalized by addiction, trauma, homelessness, and incarceration, and communities to break the cycle of poverty and negative behaviors by providing the resources and tools needed to live productive lives.
“If anyone knows how to help that segment of society, I do,” said Perkins. “I’ve been through all of it.”
I recently spoke to Michelle Perkins (MP), 54, about her life, her children, and Turning Point AOD. I also spoke to her daughters, Tanisha Merriweather (TM) and Deondra Merriweather (DM).
DD: Michelle, talk about your mom.
DD: Are you close to your siblings?
DD: How old were you when you first experienced drugs and or alcohol?
MP: I was 12 or 13. It was marijuana and alcohol. I experimented. I smoked marijuana daily
DD: What led you to try drugs initially, and how did addiction take hold?
MP: Alcohol and marijuana were peer pressure. Addiction took over when I experienced crack. I saw people doing it. I wanted to try it. It consumed my life. Not the first time. It took some time—less than two years.
DD: Describe your experience with addiction.
MP: It was hard and painful. It caused me to lose myself in the cycle of addiction. It wasn’t nice. I walked off and left my four kids. I became homeless. My kids were young. They were like 10, maybe six. My youngest, Deondra wasn’t even a year old. She is the one who doesn’t know me very well.
DD: You walked away? How long was it before you saw them again?
MP: It was 10 years before I saw them again.
DD: How did drugs affect your relationships, work, and daily life?
MP: I didn’t have a job. I was always an introvert based on my childhood. I didn’t want people to know what it was like at home. I was ashamed.
DD: You told me you were in and out of jail and prison. How many times did that happen?
MP: County jail had to be about 20 times. I was in prison three times. The longest stretch was 20 months.
DD: When was the last time you were in jail or prison?
MP: I haven’t been back since 2000.
DD: What was the turning point that made you decide to seek help?
MP: The last time I went to prison, I was at Malibu Conservation Camp Malibu. I knew I didn’t want to go back to that lifestyle. I told the counselor I needed help. It was the first time I said that. He arranged for me to be paroled at Phoenix House in Monrovia. I was there for about nine to 12 months.
DD: Talk about how you overcame addiction and what support systems helped you.
MP: Counseling and Cocaine Anonymous has 12-step meetings. I saw I wasn’t alone. It saved my life.
DD: What was the roughest part of getting clean?
MP: It wasn’t rough because I wanted it. It was about knowing how to stay sober.
DD: What were the most challenging aspects of addiction and recovery?
MP: Knowing we are addicted and knowing we’re powerless over drugs and alcohol. It took my life for a tailspin.
DD: How old were you when you started using heavy drugs?
MP: I was in my early 20s.
DD: How did you cope with withdrawal symptoms and cravings?
MP: I didn’t know how to cope. I had to go through the process of recovery. It’s an allergy of the body, an obsession of the mind, a phenomenon of craving. I fought for my life.
DD: Did you experience any relapses?
MP: If so, how did you recover? I did but not since 2000. Before that, I didn’t think I was ready. I got back on track when I went to County Jail.
DD: How are you today?
MP: I battle trauma. I have unresolved issues.
DD: What strategies helped you maintain sobriety?
MP: Me staying connected in recovery, also choosing not to return to using.
DD: You mentioned that your youngest daughter, Deondra, still has a hard time connecting with you.
MP: I believe I’m at peace with it today. I tried in so many ways to build a relationship with her. She is not receptive. I’m sad. If she has kids, I would love to be a part of their lives. When she’s ready, she’ll come to me.
DD: Deondra, how do you feel about your mother?
DM: I’m not mad at her. I feel we both don’t want to have a relationship. We don’t have a relationship, and that’s because of her not being there. It’s not because of the drugs. It’s because she just wasn’t there. Even after she got clean, she wasn’t there. Now that I’m older, I just don’t care.
DD: What are your memories of your mother?
DM: I have no memory of ever sitting in her lap. There were times she would come to see us. She had three other children. She only tried to have a relationship with the oldest. In the past, I tried to have a relationship. I told her we should go to counseling. At that time, she wasn’t open to it. She’s said a lot of hurtful things in the past.
DD: Are you proud that your mother turned her life around?
DM: I don’t want to seem mean, but I don’t have any feelings. I know that sounds harsh. Regarding when I have children, no, she can’t see them. She only wants to be in the kids’ lives. If she didn’t try to be in my life, why should I let her have a relationship with my kids?
DD: Tanisha, what memories do you have of growing up with your mother?
TM: My first memory is her being at my fifth-grade graduation. That was the first time I even knew who she was to me. She was a stranger. She would write letters to me when she was in jail but I didn’t even know what she looked like.
DD: Did you feel like a motherless child?
TM: It’s a loss of identity. I felt like she chose drugs instead of her kids. I didn’t understand that. Now that I’m working at Turning Point, I understand it more. When you don’t have your mother, you are looking for another mother figure for acceptance. I would even look at magazines. Her not being here affected me because I couldn’t connect with anybody. My dad was in and out of my life. He didn’t show affection and didn’t show love for us. He does now.
DD: Tanisha, you have a 14-year-old daughter. How is your relationship with her, and what is her relationship with her grandmother?
TM: Me and my daughter have a great relationship. In the beginning, it wasn’t easy. I didn’t know how to show her love and affection. I didn’t want to hug. Now I feel a lot better. I make a conscious effort to hug her. I have to admit, I was jealous of the relationship my mom had with my daughter. Why didn’t she do it with me if she knew how to do that?
DD: Tanisha, what was it like connecting to your mom?
TM: There was no instant connection, but it was something. I came to understand that you have to let go. You can’t hold them to it forever. Allow them to show you they are different.
DD: Michelle, you have grandkids by your eldest daughter, Tanisha. How do you feel about your grandkids?
MP: I didn’t know I could love anything until my grandkids were born.
DD: How can we better support individuals struggling with addiction?
MP: People are human. We have made mistakes. Show more compassion. I had to truly say, this is not the life I want to live anymore.
DD: What are your hopes and goals for the future?
MP: To be able to help as many formerly incarcerated people as we can and those experiencing addiction and to house people with much-needed services.
** Turning Point AOD is currently seeking donations for its annual Toy Drive in December. The organization is also preparing to open another reentry SAFE (Sisterhood Alliance for Freedom and Equality) House for women in March 2025, and will soon announce the date of its Spring Luncheon Fundraiser.
Turning Point is located at 3756 Santa Rosalia Dr., #617, Los Angeles, CA 90008; 323 296-1840.
Darlene Donloe is a seasoned entertainment and travel journalist whose work has appeared in People, Ebony, Essence, LA Stage Times, The Wave newspapers, LA Watts Times, Black Meetings and Tourism, This Stage, Los Angeles Sentinel, EMMY, The Hollywood Reporter, Billboard, Grammy, and more. Contact her via [email protected].
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