*Okay look, I’m tired of this. Ladies, I want to make one thing clear – you should not apologize for having STANDARDS.
Even if your standards aren’t realistic or practical – they are still YOUR STANDARDS, and you have a right to enforce them on anyone you choose. If you’re lucky enough, God may send you someone who checks all of your “requirement” boxes.
Or … he may not.
It’s been a while since I’ve cracked open a Bible, but I do remember reading something about two people being EQUALLY YOKED in order for a relationship to be ordained by God.
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Now of course, in many cases, when two people get involved romantically, they’re rarely on the same level in regard to what they can offer each other.
That’s common.
In these situations, it’s all about give and take, helping each other improve and grow. This example defines what it means to be in a mutually beneficial, and HEALTHY adult relationship.
If you’re a participant in a relationship like this, then be grateful – because the alternative is hell on earth.
Here’s the problem – MANY women today, especially black women (yeah, I said it), create STANDARDS for men without holding THEMSELVES to any standard at all.
Now before some of y’all start attacking me, I wanna be clear.
I’m not writing this article from a place of spite of hatred. I love women, especially black women. Without you, our communities wouldn’t survive. Our children would be without love and guidance. And personally, I owe my life and success to black women.
Nevertheless, I’mma check y’all BECAUSE I love you. It makes NO SENSE for you to be on social media regurgitating nonsense about what you “require” from men, if you aren’t equally valuable or attractive.
Let me explain. You want a man who’s in shape? Then yo ass better be in top shape. You want a man that earns 6 figures? Well then I hope you’re earning that amount, or close to it. You want a man that’s handsome? Well first understand that he probably has options, so if you’re insecure, date someone else, because he can likely have TEN of you if he chooses to.
Also, I want you to look HARD in the mirror. Are you attractive? No really – look. Don’t lie to yourselves. Are you as attractive or even superior physically to the men you desire? If not, shut the hell up, humble yourselves, and lower your expectations.
I’m getting tired of seeing overweight, underpaid, half-witted, ghetto, weave-wearing clowns bouncing around social media talking about what they won’t accept from men.
Ladies, I want you to pinch the fat under your arms. Now pinch the fat on your stomach and around your chin. Now ask yourselves – should men accept that?
Should we accept that many of you earn just a touch above minimum wage and still expect to qualify for a baller? Let me tell you – I earn 6 figures. I’m above six feet. And yes, I have six-pack abs. 8 actually. Why in God’s name would I want you? What can you do for men like me? What value do you bring outside of cooking brisket and bussing it open every now and then?
Sex means very little to a man who’s focused. It helps take the edge off. Relieves stress. But it’s not a priority. Neither is your cooking. That’s what Door Dash is for. We appreciate these things, but they aren’t enough to keep us, or any man who’s worth his weight in gold.
Please understand – men today aren’t tolerating one-sided relationships, we aren’t buying into traditions that only favor women, and we’re being reconditioned to prioritize our wants and needs.
Forget the table – the question should be: what can we bring to EACH OTHER? How can we pour into each other? How can we help one another grow, evolve, and THRIVE?
It’s a partnership. Right?
A man shouldn’t expect to attract the type of woman he desires if he’s not QUALIFIED to have her.
There are LEVELS to this shit.
The same goes for you ladies – this isn’t one-sided, what are your qualifications?
Are you street and book-smart? Can you help a man generate income? Are you inspirational, feminine, enterprising, resourceful, respectful, responsible, affectionate, and kind?
Are you the type of woman that other women ADMIRE?
These are the qualities that make you WORTHY of the men you seek. Not those big-ass eye-lashes, cheap acrylic nails, and that botched BBL monstrosity you got stuffed in those odd-fitting jeans.
So in closing, ladies, I implore you – be the type of person you want to attract. Otherwise, pick up your purse and go make another run to Chick-Fil-A.
I know you hungry.
Southern California-based Cory A. Haywood is a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his blog: www.enterthehat.com or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood
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