Saturday, July 2, 2022

Cory A. Haywood: What Men Really Mean When We Ask Women: ‘What Do You Bring to the Table?’

Black Couple - iStock

*Ladies, what do you have in your toolbox that will help you and a partner of your choosing mutually nurture a healthy and fulfilling relationship? It’s just a question – not a judgment of your worth as a woman, or a human being. It’s really just a question.

But y’all still tryna act like you don’t know what we mean when we ask you to list the qualities you embody that will help to make a relationship strong.

Yes, the dreaded question: “what do you bring to the table,” may seem like a man’s way of asking you to prove your worth.

I understand how that might anger you – having to audition for a man’s approval. But I urge you to look at it from a different point of view.

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When men ask “what do you bring to the table” … we aren’t referring to the things you might suspect.

I wanna be clear … it has ZERO to do with sex or your ability to cook and clean. These basic things aren’t priorities for men – they’re icing on the cake. And frankly, if you’re an adult, you should be doing these things anyway.

Additionally, despite what many of you may think, the vast majority of men DO NOT care about your earning potential, the car you drive, the house you live in, or your educational level.

Case in point – some of the richest men in the world are either married to or dating women who aren’t on their level financially or academically.

It’s because a man’s priorities are basic in nature compared to the standards that women often set for themselves.

Kevin Samuels touched on this subject repeatedly before he died. (I know y’all hate him, but follow me for a second.)

Despite his efforts, he didn’t sufficiently explain what types of things men need from their partners to be satisfied in a heterosexual relationship.

So I’ll explain.

There’s clearly a lack of understanding and humility between men and women in society today. That’s due to a lack of knowledge that each group has of the other’s desires and needs.

This issue transcends race, but I find that it’s most common in the black community.

So here’s what men need …

(and ladies I want y’all to resist the urge to insert your own needs. We have plenty of material about that already. It’s time for y’all to learn and apply the information.)

Do you know who Jeff Bezos – the richest man on earth – is dating right now?

He’s dating a former news anchor who – despite her success in business – is still light-years beyond her prime physically and professionally.

I’m mentioning her for a reason. Follow me.

Successful men don’t need women to provide a car, a home, or a degree. What’s needed is for a woman to be helpful in other capacities.

For example, Jeff’s ex wife HELPED him build Amazon into a multi-billion dollar conglomerate.

She used her intellect and various skills to assist the GROWTH of her husband. That’s valuable.

Here are some other needs that men generally have trouble articulating.

Ladies, do you have the ability and willingness to communicate EFFECTIVELY?

Do you have the ability to inspire and stimulate a man’s imagination and creativity to help him earn more for his family?

Are you spiritually, psychologically, and emotionally grounded?

Are you adaptable and capable of change?

Do you have the ability to compromise and problem solve?

Are you responsible, introspective, self-aware and accountable, well-mannered, respectful, traditionally FEMININE, and most important of all, do you possess the humility to identify and improve on your weaknesses?

It’s not rocket science. It’s not about your physical assets. WE DON’T CARE.

Are you equipped with the INTANGIBLES?

Intrinsic value. That’s what men are talking about when they ask, “what do you bring to the table?”

It’s just a question.

Cory A. Haywood
Cory A. Haywood

Southern California-based Cory A. Haywood is a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: and/or visit his blog: or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood




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