*Ryan Russell, the NFL’s first openly bisexual player, admits he was reluctant to come out publicly and be a “distraction” to his team.
Russell, a free agent, says he felt “selfish” coming out. Speaking with BBC Sport, the 29-year-old said prior to coming out, he decided on keeping his sexuality on the low.
“I was finally in a place where I could provide for my mother, who had sacrificed so much for me,” said Russell, who grew up in Texas. “It felt almost selfish to come out. I th. ought, ‘I don’t want to be a distraction to my team, I don’t want to jeopardize our success on the field, and also my personal success or financial status.”
Russell played briefly with the Dallas Cowboys, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and Buffalo Bills, before he came out as bisexual in 2019 while sidelined with a shoulder injury.
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“My whole identity was based around football — and I didn’t know if I’d play again,” he said. “I needed to find happiness — both in who I am and outside of what I do for work. That started me on my journey of self-love and self-acceptance.”
His first sexual encounter with a man occurred while he was attending Purdue University in Indiana.
“In college, I thought, ‘Am I turning gay?’ I know now that you don’t turn gay,” he said.
When he was drafted by the Cowboys in 2015, Russell thought: “Well, if I was turning gay, I need to stop now.”
With no openly gay players in the league, he decided to keep his sexuality secret.
“I could only think of things to lose. I could never think of things to gain,” he said of his decision to remain in the closet. “Now I realize none of those reasons are worth my own health and wellbeing.”
Russell’s goal now is to become the first openly gay NFL player to feature in a regular-season game.
“It’s scary, daunting and paralyzing but I’ve got to keep moving forward,” he said. “I want to be the first, but never the last.”
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