*Chrissy Teigen has penned an emotional essay for Medium in which she details the miscarriage she suffered earlier this month.
Teigen and her husband John Legend loss their son Jack when she was 20 weeks pregnant. She previously shared on social media that she was diagnosed “with partial placenta abruption,” and “despite bags and bags of blood transfusions,” her bleeding could not be stopped.
“We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all,” wrote Teigen for Medium on Tuesday. “Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness.”
READ MORE: Chrissy Teigen Suffers Pregnancy Loss After ‘Excessive Bleeding’: ‘How Can This Be Real’
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 27, 2020
“Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again,” she continued. “Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.”
Teigen initially shared news of her misscarriage on Instagram Sept. 30, posting a series of black-and-white photos of herself and Legend in the hospital with their baby.
“I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was,” she wrote. “I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it.”
“He hated it. I could tell,” Teigen said. “It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after [son Miles Theodore, 2, and daughter Luna Simone, 4½]. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.”
Phew I just had a full on panic attack of more tear snot just knowing anyone read this. I’ve missed you all terribly. pic.twitter.com/A38rDfyms3
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 27, 2020
As for those who criticized the former model for sharing such intimate images, Teigen noted, “I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done,” the grieving mother continued.
“I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like,” Teigen wrote. “These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”
You can read her full essay here.
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