The Black Hat/Sisters, There’s a Difference Between Being ‘Thick’ and Being FAT

Follow my instructions …

Step 1: Tomorrow morning – before you eat, gossip, or shower – I want you to strip completely naked.

Step 2: Reach under your bed and find that portable scale you bought from Walmart five years ago. Don’t forget to wipe the dust away! (and If you don’t own a scale, get one).

Step 3: Place both of your feet on the scale and stand very still.

Now, if the screen says you weigh 200 pounds or more, then I want you to do the following:

First, make some changes to your diet and lifestyle.

Second, and I mean this with all sincerity – STOP calling yourself “thick”!

STOP! It’s an illusion.

If you possess enough body mass to feed an entire family of starving hyenas, then girl, you aren’t “thick” … you’re fat.

If you have 20 inch arms and you’ve never lifted a weight, or completed a pushup, then sweetheart, you aren’t “thick” … you’re F-A-T!

And lastly, if there’s no separation between your chin and your neck, then honey, you aren’t “thick” … you’re the Michelin Man.

This is going to offend many of you, and that’s my purpose for writing this story – to show you tough love.

I’m tired of the media sugarcoating obesity as if it’s a new fashion trend, or a badge of courage.

So here it goes …

Sisters, I want you to stand in front of a mirror – preferably in natural light – and I want you examine your body from head to toe.

Put your ego and pride aside for a second. It’s time for you to be honest about what you see.

Now ask yourselves – am I really “thick”? Or do I have thick ankles? I’m betting it’s the latter.

For some reason, we keep blurring the lines between what it means to be “thick” versus what it means to be FAT.

So I’m gonna set the record straight.

“Thick” is a term that’s causing women of color to ignore the mounds of subcutaneous FAT growing from their backs, torso and limbs.

It’s a word that’s used by the black female to glorify and normalize morbid obesity.

I’m not saying “plus size” women aren’t beautiful and sexy.

I’ve seen plenty of BBW’s over the years, and I’ve had a lifelong crush on Jill Scott, who, to me, remains one of the sexiest women alive.

However, the expression “thicker than a snicker,” was originally used to describe black women who could fill out a pair of jeans or a tight dress.

These days, it’s a word sisters use to describe their flabby, lumpy, bloated bodies.

I recently saw one at Chili’s who had to be at least 250 pounds. I almost chucked a spear at her big ass. She was there with her friends who were equally massive … and hungry.

I couldn’t believe my eyes – like a group of seals gathered to bathe under the winter sun, these chicks were either oblivious to their incredible size, or they actually believe that being MORBIDLY OBESE is “in style”.

It must have taken hours for them to stuff all that girth into the yoga pants and cheap denim jackets they were wearing – or barely wearing depending on how you look at it.

One of em’ wrapped her pudgy arms around the largest mountain of nachos I’ve ever seen … then she had the nerve to ask the waitress for a “diet” coke.

Seriously?!

Look, sisters, I love you. And at your best, to me, you’re the most beautiful women on the planet – hands down.

But 75 percent of you are FAT!!! Like, really, FAT!!!

Your skinny friends who call you “thick” when you’re trying to squeeze into spandex at the mall – they’re actually using you as a less attractive prop to make themselves look better in public. It’s cruel, but it’s true.
I’m getting tired of the media and Hollywood encouraging black women to embrace their “natural” curves, when research shows that African Americans are predisposed to conditions like diabetes, heart disease and “fat-as-fuck-itus.”

Yep, looking like a “she-bear” is cute and “courageous” until you gotta get your foot chopped off by a surgeon like Kunta Kinte.

SELF HATE? BLACK LESBIANS SPECIFICALLY SEEKING WHITE SPERM DONORS

I’m getting tired of going to the gym and seeing the cardio area flooded with a bunch of Beckys. Hell, these days, I’ve even noticed more Latin and Asian American women banging out squats and dumbbell curls like they’re training to be part of a race war.

Meanwhile, there’s always a few chunky black chicks wearing “Ivy Park” who spend the whole time browsing social media on their phones, while they peddle extra slow on a recumbent bike.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen a few exceptions – but they’re few compared to the number of Rhinos that park their fat asses on a weight bench and literally do nothing. That ain’t why it’s called a “weight” bench. I’m just sayin’.

I watched in awe from my car window one morning as a young white woman jogged uphill like she was a fugitive trying to outrun the feds. She ran without stopping or breaking her stride – all while pushing two small children in a large stroller. It was 5:30 am, the sun was barely visible, and I was inspired. “This chick deserves a fucking trophy,” I mused.

That’s right, after giving birth TWICE, her body was still fit, trim and surprisingly very attractive.

I didn’t watch for too long. My car was parked in a predominantly white neighborhood, and I’m a Negro. The cops were only a phone call away. So I took one final glance and drove away – quickly.

This moment caused me to reflect on the encounters I’ve had with my female clients over the last 10 years. Eighty percent have been African American – and when I would ask them to describe their body type, they would always call themselves “thick.”

I’m even more bothered with the excuses sisters typically make to justify their size, like:

“I’m still carrying the weight I gained when I was pregnant.”

“My man likes me this size.”

“I’m ‘curvy’ not fat.”

“I ain’t tryna be skinny like them white girls.”

“Healthy food is too expensive.”

“I got too much going on to exercise.”

“I ain’t gone let society dictate how I feel about my body.”

“They got sexy clothes for big girls now.”

“Popeye’s just came out with that new chicken sandwich – it be calling me.”

The list goes on and on …

I wanna be clear – if you’re suffering from an illness that’s causing you to be fat, then you get a pass. Also, I’m not your prototypical douchebag trainer who goes around body shaming fat people. I’m certainly not perfect. I have flaws too.

However, there’s an epidemic of obesity ripping through the black community, and it appears to be particularly severe among black women. As a fitness and health advocate, it’s my job to be critical of this issue. And as a nigga with eyes, I can’t take this shit anymore.

I also quickly wanna focus on a few black celebrities who used to be “fat and proud.” People like Monique, Queen Latifah, Gabourey Sidibe, Amber Riley, Ruben Studdard, and have you seen Lavell Crawford lately? They’ve all lost significant amounts of weight compared to when they first entered show business, probably with encouragement from their doctors and loved ones.

Why would they make the effort to slim down unless it was necessary for their health and longevity?

Obesity shouldn’t be viewed as a fashion trend or an example of what it means to have “self-love.” It should be defined as a characteristic of laziness, carelessness, ignorance, and above all, poor health.

It may seem like I’m being too harsh on “big girls,” especially with how sensitive our nation has become to issues like this one.

But aren’t sisters always asking black men to show more concern for their well being?

Well, this is my contribution – take y’alls asses to gym.

The Black Hat is written by  Southern California based Cory A. Haywood, a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his blog: www.enterthehat.com, or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood