*Recently, we read an article at Lipstick Alley about black couples, lesbians in particular, seeking white sperm donors or surrogates. The writer wrote about her conversation with her friend who worked at a fertility clinic so it wasn’t just some piece based on assumptions. She said that almost every single black lesbian couple that came to find sperm donors at the center were very specific about the race of the donor. It was white or nothing!
She talked about a particular couple that laid so much emphasis on how white they wanted their child to be, going ahead to state that the child should have “no features like ours.” To think that those words came from people of African/black descent was way beyond derogatory. She added that it was not only the black couples but mixed too. They all wanted children who look nothing like black. And surprisingly, it was the black spouses who even insisted on the child not being like them.
Is This A Form of (Reverse) Racism?
These women are so meticulous about their preferences that one even mentioned she wanted Caucasian, not Hispanic because there were black Hispanics too. Her friend said that their crazy specifications could get so frustrating so whenever black lesbians couples come in, she swiftly passed them to another nurse.
The topic sparked lots of reactions and a couple of people said that they presume the women didn’t want to look like the stereotypical black single mother who has been dumped by a black man. They want to sell the idea that they are married to white men when they’re seen with their children in public.
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A story someone told kind of supports this reasoning. She said she knows someone whom she believes got a white sperm donor because of the phenotype of the child. She told the story about the lady taking her son to the barbershop and upon getting there, was told that they “don’t cut black hair.” She also added that the son had a cap on so they didn’t see the color of his hair but just from seeing a black woman with a child, they assumed he was black. This woman was furious most likely because the barbers believed that she had gotten married to a black man and had a black child and not because they discriminated against blacks in general. However, we think that this act only strengthens the stereotypes. If more black women are seen with white kids, then even those who are married but have black kids would still be seen as single baby mamas who were dumped.
Some other explanation which almost sounded reasonable was that it was probably due to the discrimination against black lesbians and black people in general. They believed that the parents may be trying to prevent their kids from going through the bullying and prejudice they had gone through so they had to customize their kids.
Someone said that it isn’t a surprise since these women are lesbians. They probably want a biracial girl to drool over but we don’t think that is the case because; one, you can’t identify the sex of the child just from sperm tests and two, if they liked biracial girls, they would have gone for one instead of waiting to give birth to one.
Another person mentioned that she saw a black woman who also did this and her reason for not wanting a black kid was because she had a sibling with sickle cell anemia and black people tend to have higher rates of the anemia so she only wanted to avoid that. Then again, I think this is a dumb reason to not want a black child. Sickle cell anemia is not contracted from playing or eating, it has everything to do with genetics and before donation, the donor is always tested for various factors including blood type. So if the sperm donor and surrogate or wife are not sickle cell carriers, there’s no way the child would have the anemia. It’s not Black magic.
One other person even added that a couple she had seen going for in vitro wanted the child to look like the wife. They were both blacks but the wife was lighter in complexion and had curly hair. it was the darker one that was to carry the child but because they wanted to take no chances at getting anything with a touch of Black, they insisted on a white sperm donor. Crazy!
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Lack of Black Donors?
This probably is the reason why there are few black sperm donors available. Try visiting a fertilization center or checking online for black sperm donors and you’d see how low the ratio is when compared to the white sperm donors.
Thinking about the kids, we wonder what values these women would instill in then as they grow up. Would they be taught to respect all races or discriminate against the black color like their mothers? Would they know that they happen to be white because their mother handpicked their color? Would they be cool with hanging out with blacks but not getting married to them? Or getting married to blacks but not having black kids, therefore, continuing the bloody cycle?
We believe that all of these reasons are flimsy and there must be some deep-rooted cause for this trend or should we say, discrimination? In times like these when the ADOS is trying to get their voice heard and black people should be supporting each other, it is insulting for any black woman to do this. If they’re reducing the black population, then whose future are these other blacks fighting for? We say that some whites believe in white supremacy and they hate blacks so what happens when it’s blacks hating blacks? Isn’t this racism too or is there something else behind it?
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