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*I want a blowjob from Jill Scott.
That’s right – your eyes aren’t deceiving you. I’m shameless and frankly I don’t care.
For a while now – starting when I was in the 7th grade – I’ve had a massive crush on Jill Scott.
I’d mention her to my friends whenever we’d fantasize about the celebrities we’d pursue if we ever became rich or famous, and they would always poke fun at me for lusting after a “big girl.” But I didn’t care – deep in my heart, at the tender age of 12, I knew Jill Scott was a freak. Boy was I right.
With that said, allow me to reiterate …
I want a blowjob from Jill Scott as much as Pookie wanted a hit of that crackpipe in New Jack City.
I’ll give up my entire savings – all $213.66 cents of it – for a night with Jill Scott.
l’ll slap my pastor – HARD – for a blowjob from Jill Scott (and he’s my grandfather).
Speaking of grandparents, I’ll sell my 79-year-old grandmother into slavery to experience just 90 seconds of pleasure from Jill Scott. (Sorry Grandma, you’ve had your freedom for nearly a century. Deal with it) .
Some of you might be wondering where this rant is coming from. I can hear you now, “Eww … why is this nigga talking so nasty about Jill Scott.”
Well, after watching footage of her simulating oral sex with a microphone on stage recently, it caused me to question whether I’ve ever even had a good blowjob in my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had pleasant experiences – but strangely I was more aroused by Jill Scott’s rendition … and her’s was imagined.
WATCH Jill (below) work that mic like a pro.
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Bruh why is Jill Scot sucking air dick pic.twitter.com/nNxlDKyKUY
— Tony. (@SoLyrical) November 13, 2018
For starters, she’s very ambidextrous, and judging by the video, it appears she enjoys licking the “D” softly like it’s butter pecan ice cream on a warm Summer afternoon.
Delightful.
And I aint the only nigga singing her praises.
Yup … go to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, a barbershop, prison … we ALL want a blowjob from Jill Scott.
So what does that mean really? Oh I’ll tell you what it means. Jill Scott’s oral mastery proves once and for all that plus size women administer the best fellatio (they also prepare the best snacks and finger foods).
I predict that one day soon, chicks with a little heft – some extra meat to love on – will surpass the wannabe Rihanna’s, Kardashian’s and Beyonce’s of the world, and they’ll become the most desirable group of prospects in the dating pool.
I say that because pretty girls who know they’re pretty feel like they don’t have to put forth much effort to please their partners. They’re the masters of unenthusiastic and unimaginative blowjobs.
I call it the “I’m Pretty” syndrome – which suppresses a woman’s desire to go above and beyond the status quo to make her partner happy and satisfied.
Their way of thinking is that being cute gives them a pass from doing the little things that cause a man to feel good – like sucking his dick with passion, purpose, and precision. I call it the three P’s.
These women are normally incapable of meeting the basic needs and expectations of a man. Instead they feel like men should appreciate their “beauty” and social status without enforcing standards.
Reciprocity isn’t a concern.
That usually makes them mediocre sexually … and boring … because they would rather look pretty in lingerie than get sperm blasted on their cheekbone (which should be standard procedure).
I’m not saying ALL pretty girls behave this way, nor am I suggesting that ALL plus size women enjoy giving blowjobs.
Also, I’m in no way insinuating that plus size women aren’t beautiful and sexy. That notion is FALSE – and Jill Scott is living proof (Ashley Graham too).
But in my opinion, when a nigga whips out his penis, the average Rihanna type only sees a body part that she’s being generous enough to lick on, while a Jill Scott type probably sees a salty, cream-filled candy bar that she’s been itching to devour.
(Yes there’s a difference, and the outcomes of these scenarios are like night and day – polar opposite).
So what’s the moral of this enchanted story? What message am I trying to send?
Well it’s simple … ladies … Jill Scott has raised the “oral sex” bar to a new and tantalizing level.
For the remainder of 2018, if your head game is weak or consistently lazy, niggas WILL start referring you to her video and they may even encourage you to jot down a few notes.
It’ll be like you’re Kobe Bryant studying game tape after a bad performance.
Just sayin.’
And don’t get mad at me for speaking the truth. Blame Jill Scott for being a SUPERFREAK and taking the opportunity to remind men everywhere of how a good blow job SHOULD be done.
Jill, I salute you.
The Black Hat is written by  Southern California based  Cory A. Haywood, a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his blog: www.enterthehat.com, or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood
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