*There’s a Starbucks about a half block away from the gym where I train in Los Angeles.
I occasionally grab a coffee and talk ish with the same group of brothers who I see gathered there every day.
Not long ago, I inserted myself into a lively discussion they’d been having about the opposite sex.
Mind you, the brothers I spoke to that evening were over 30, dreadfully overweight, bald (or well on their way), and either retired, nearing retirement, or completely jobless and “looking.”
At first, I listened while they quietly took jabs at a sister whose hands were full with cups of coffee and the keys to her car.
She quickly shuffled past our crowded table and made a beeline for the parking lot, deliberately ignoring the whistles and stares coming from our direction.
Her icy demeanor triggered a long series of insults from the group, which didn’t surprise me. It’s in the nature of immature men to spew hateful words at the women who reject them.
“That bitch should be glad we gave her any attention at all,” one guy uttered. “I know she got a bunch of cellulite under them yoga pants, and that wack ass ponytail needs to go.”
“Yeah!” another guy howled. “These women walk around thinking they’re God’s gift to men, but most of them look sloppy and washed up after 35, especially the sisters.”
I took mental notes as the ego-wounded hyenas surrounding me exchanging wisecracks about women who “let themselves go.”
“These bitches come up with excuses for why their arms get fat and saggy and their stomach hangs. It’s not leftover weight from a baby she had 15 years ago, and I don’t wanna hear sh*t about a thyroid condition. It’s because they believe weaves and makeup can hide everything else. But i’mma tell ya’ll what my father told me – you can put lipstick and hair extensions on a pig – but it’s still a pig.”
I listened to their nonsense for 20 minutes, choosing not to join in. But I eventually lost my cool after some creep with a lazy eye loudly declared “If she aint a 10, I aint f*cking with her!”
“Preach!” shouted the others.
Not wanting to offend anyone at the table or ruin the vibe, I let out a chuckle and nodded my head approvingly, so they wouldn’t get suspicious.
But the devil on my shoulder suddenly caused me drop a “truth bomb” on the entire table … and it wasn’t pretty.
With what I imagine was disgust on my face, I said coldly: “Ya’ll niggas must be crazy.”
Immediately a deep silence fell over the table. Smiles turned to frowns. I had their attention, but my window to speak was limited. So I didn’t waste time with pleasantries.
“Half of ya’ll must live without mirrors in your house.”
“Hey you, (I pointed to Mr. Lazy Eye), nigga you ain’t handsome. I’m looking at a bunch of niggas with ashy knees, bloated bellies, and empty pockets, but y’all have the nerve to demand physical perfection from women? That doesn’t even begin to make sense.”
I continued with my lecture until someone interrupted.
“So what chu tryna say nigga?” he asked. “We aint good enough for quality women? I shouldn’t want the best these bitches have to offer?”
“No! That’s not what I’m saying. We should all have standards. But if you’re a 5 on the scale, don’t go fishing for a 10.”
Over the summer, I came to realize that my own standards for women were unrealistic compared to what I had to offer them financially, spiritually, and even physically.
At 30-years-old, my life is hardly a blueprint for success. In fact, if I’m being honest, dating is a luxury that bleeds my wallet bone dry.
And because I reside in Los Angeles – the land of freakishly beautiful people – my charm and modest physical appeal aren’t quite enough to grab the attention of every “dime” I see.
But I’m no different than the average nigga my age whose cupboard is fully stocked with Ramen noodles, white bread, peanut butter, and tomato sauce. It’s part of the struggle.
However, unlike most, I don’t spend my time lusting after Instagram “models” and video vixens. That’s a waste of time for a guy like me.
Instead, I stay in my “financial lane” – which means I date women who won’t turn down a “free” walk on the beach, or happy hour at Red Lobster.
Also, if I were a 45-year-old divorcee with man boobs, erectile dysfunction, and a barren scalp, I’d set practical standards for my dating life.
In our society, women feel all the pressure to stay beautiful and trim, while men can get by with a few (or more than a few) extra pounds around their midsection and jawline.
Even the term “dad bod” absolves men from the responsibility of keeping themselves in shape, or dressing stylishly. This gives men an advantage in the dating world as they grow older.
But gradually women have begun to demand the same level of physical and financial accountability from men .. and then some.
Fellas, this means you have to bring more to the table than a winning personality and a steady paycheck.
If you want to be with a 10, then you’d better be able to match her level.
Otherwise, shut up and hunt for girls at Target like the rest of us.
The Black Hat is written by Southern California based Cory A. Haywood, a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his blog: www.enterthehat.com, or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood
The Virtual United Negro College Fund Tour Heads to NY, DC & NJ on Fri & Sat-Nov. 20 & 21 (EUR EXCLUSIVE!)
*African American students interested in going to college can attend the United Negro College Fund’s (UNCF) Fall 2020 virtual Empower Me Tour. Set for this Friday and Saturday (November 20 & 21, 2020), New York, District of Columbia, and New Jersey will be repped. (This year’s tour kicked off earlier this month in Wisconsin and Illinois). To register, go here.
The Empower Me Tour is an extension of the goals of the UNCF. Founded in 1944, the UNCF, a non-profit, has raised more than $5 billion and helped more than 500,000 students attend 37 private historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs).
The EUR caught up with Stacey Lee, the tour’s director for four years, who discussed the importance of the event.
“The UNCF is the nation’s largest provider of education support to minority students,” said Lee. “The Empowerment Tour has been executed for the past 12 years and last year along we offered over $12 million dollars in scholarships.”
Lee continued, “I think the great thing is that during these times, even with COVID-19, is that a number of corporations (Wells Fargo/P&/FedEx/Disney/Goldman Sachs) and donors have really been providing opportunity and financial access to our schools and students.”
The tour is packed with information and resources so that students and parents have the right tools to make informed decisions.
“It’s a free event that provides educational support, scholarships, interviews with colleges, empowerment, and information on how to get to and through college. We also provide this information for parents as well. We have a parent section that focuses on financial aid and the things you need to get your students to college.”
Lee continued, “Sometimes we have students that don’t realize that they can attend college. They can receive scholarships. Some of them don’t even know what an HBCU is. So, it’s inspirational for me to see these students receive this information and the excitement that’s around this tour.”
In addition to college information, panel sessions on issues affecting the community will also take place. Legendary rapper Bun B will be part of a special My Black Is Beautiful panel. The panel will have discussions with girls and boys and the MC will lead the male portion.
“It’s about empowerment,” Bun B told the EUR. “It’s vital for us to lift each other up and amplify each other’s voices. We just talk about now what that role is in this COVID world. And with everything that we are seeing with young Black men on television, we want to keep them motivated and centered. We want to make sure that they are not discouraged in this moment.”
Ever since Kamala Harris threw her hat into the presidential race and elected vice president of the United States, a spotlight has shined on the fact that she’s an HBCU grad (Howard University) and member of the African American sorority Alpha Kappa Alpha. These facts are not lost on the UNCF.
“Kamala has really boosted people’s awareness about HBCUs and (African American sororities) and the type of people that come out of HBCUs. HBCUS have also provided so many people from science, mathematics, and engineering programs (STEM).”
Bun B added, “We have more than enough examples to show you how beneficial an education from an HBCU can be. So, there is no reason to not be a part of an HBCU because the world is just as available to you as it is for anyone else attending any other type of university.”
New Music Buzz: Jazzy Rita Shelby’s ‘Goodbye 2020’
*SB Music presents “Goodbye 2020” a new single for the times we are in.
“Goodbye 2020” is performed by Jazzy Rita Shelby and written by Miss Shelby (ASCAP) and Eddie Lawrence Miller (BMI).
It’s the perfect anthem to end a year that has impacted the globe.
EURweb’s Jazzy Rita is also a prolific lyricist who has teamed up with Eddie Miller for “Goodbye 2020” because it was timely and convenient for the birth of a song such as this.
Eddie Miller is a coveted keyboardist & vocalist who performs regularly with Brian Culbertson and he’s the Rhodes Festival musical director. Jazzy Rita rose to notoriety as host & performer at The Starlight Jazz Serenade, an annual benefit concert in North Hollywood with an A list of stars. As a teen Miss Shelby was inspired to write songs by the legendary David Porter.
This year has been a year like no other. “Goodbye 2020” is an ode to the world for the year that we have seen and the hope that lies ahead. Radio Programmers click here for adds.
“Goodbye 2020” is released on the SB Music label and was recorded at Wishing Wells Studio in Canoga Park, CA. Willie Daniels and Mildred Black perform background vocals along with Jazzy Rita. The video is produced & directed by Jazzy Rita (LaRita Shelby), filmed & edited by Reggie Simon of Simon Vision Media, with wardrobe styling by Jazzy Rita and Poet Roni Girl’s Army Couture. “Goodbye 2020” is available on most digital platforms. Click here to listen on Spotify.
Celebrate Halloween with ‘Spell’ Starring Omari Hardwick, Loretta Devine and John Beasley / WATCH
*Today/TONIGHT is Halloween and what could be a more perfect way to celebrate than with the release of SPELL? Enjoy the clips below to get you in the spooky spirit!
Omari Hardwick (“Power,” Sorry to Bother You), Loretta Devine (“Black-ish,” Crash) and John Beasley (The Sum of All Fears, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks) star in the terrifying thriller SPELL, coming to Premium Video-On-Demand and Digital today October 30 from Paramount Home Entertainment.
While flying to his father’s funeral in rural Appalachia, an intense storm causes Marquis (Omari Hardwick) to lose control of the plane carrying him and his family. He awakens wounded, alone and trapped in Ms. Eloise’s (Loretta Devine) attic, who claims she can nurse him back to health with the Boogity, a Hoodoo figure she has made from his blood and skin. Unable to call for help, Marquis desperately tries to outwit and break free from her dark magic and save his family from a sinister ritual before the rise of the blood moon.
DIRECTED BY | Mark Tonderai
SCREENPLAY BY | Kurt Wimmer
STARRING | Omari Hardwick, Loretta Devine, John Beasley
AVAILABLE ON DIGITAL PLATFORMS | Apple TV, Amazon Prime Video, Google Play, DirecTV, VUDU, Xfinity, FandangoNOW and more.
Rating | R – violence, disturbing/bloody images, and language
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