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*Sisters, don’t get too excited about Meghan Markle‘s engagement to Prince Harry (or whatever the hell that boy’s name is). This “historic” piece of news doesn’t even remotely count as a victory for black people or black women. Period.
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Sisters, I can hear ya’ll fools right now – “I’m not wasting my time with average ni*gas. I deserve to be with a prince so that I can be treated like a princess.” Â
Ha! I laugh at you ignorant hoes. “Coming to America” was a movie.Â
That shit ain’t happening to you.Â
Men of distinction aren’t scouring the swap meet or the strip club to find a companion. So before you start reminiscing about the moment you were voted prom queen, remember that Prince Harry is not only out of your league, but he also comes from an entirely different world – and I ain’t talking about the sitcom.
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That’s right – when you take away all the bells and whistles from their decision to get hitched, you’re left with a very familiar narrative – privileged white boy meets and becomes enchanted by a racially ambiguous TV actress whose mother is black and father is lily-white.Â
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This isn’t an example of “black girl magic” because if she were a few shades darker and had sharper facial features, she wouldn’t have been touched, let alone proposed to by a curly haired, pasty, red-faced white guy who’s only being allowed to buck tradition because his brother, the more important and popular prince, will eventually be crowned king of England after the Queen and her old ass son kicks the bucket.Â
First off, why is their engagement a cause for celebration? Are you niggas so desperate to be loved by white people that you’ll break out in song every time a white boy from high society decides to settle for a bootylicious black woman? I almost lost my mind after seeing an editorial on “The Root” – a prominent African American news outlet – that refers to Markle’s engagement as “black girl magic.” So let me get this straight, it’s just a good ol’ ni*ga time when two black people get married, but when a black girl wrangles a White Prince, it’s “magic”. Nigga what!Â
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Can someone tell me why black people give a rat’s ass about Prince Harry and his blushing bride-to-be? What will their marriage do to improve the African American community?Â
More importantly, why is it that every time a half-breed stumbles upon good fortune or success, the entire black community rejoices and lives vicariously through that person (as if his or her family tree is entirely Negro)? Are we that desperate for a win?Â
Sisters, say it with me: “I (meaning you) will NEVER marry into royalty” – not in the literal sense anyway. If you do, it’ll be to an African prince named Foo Foo who’ll choose you to be one of his several wives.Â
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Sisters, heed my warning – don’t allow Markle’s good fortune to poison your imagination with visions of ball gowns, tiaras, caviar, and Buckingham palace. And please, don’t waste a second refining your dating checklist just because Markle got lucky and bagged herself a White prince. That won’t happen to any of a ya’ll. Keep searching for your “boo” at places like Home Depot, Wing Stop, Planet Fitness, Jiffy Lube, Magic Johnson Park, and other common locales for the everyday Negro.Â
The Black Hat is written by  Southern California based  Cory A. Haywood, a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his blog: www.enterthehat.com, or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood
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