Monday, January 18, 2021

Era of Shrinking Testicles: Have Black Men Become Too Soft? (Intellectual Sarcasm from The Black Hat)

soft nigga photo

*This won’t take long.

I want to start off by addressing the men who don’t see a problem with doing the “nay nay” in public. I only have one thing to say to you pussies: STOP! I have tried to ignore the flamboyant touchdown celebrations in professional football (that applies to you too, Odell Beckham Jr.).

I have tried to make sense of Jaden Smith’s and ASAP Rocky’s fascination with women’s clothing. I am still coming to terms with the emerging presence of homosexuality in hip hop. I may never fully understand why skinny jeans are so popular among young black males (and some old).

And speaking of young black males, I know plenty of them who could write an entire book on the do’s and dont’s of fashion, but they wouldn’t know where to start if they had to replace a flat tire or repair a leaky faucet.

What ever happened to the days when black boys would spend Saturday afternoon roughhousing during a game of tackle football? Oh that’s right…the average teenager is too busy posing in front of the mirror (like a bitch), preparing to take another selfie.

Even as adults, black males have veered from the testosterone-fueled machismo of previous decades. These days, the world of salacious gossip isn’t dominated by women as it once was. There are just as many gossip artists of the male persuasion (ahem, Charlamagne Tha God) who delight in the pastime of “throwing shade” at other people and feeding into rumors. If I recall correctly, as a child, I would hear the women in my family exchange gossip while the men gathered in the living room to play cards or watch sporting events on TV. Now that I’m older and I occasionally spend time with other families, I’ve witnessed gossip sessions unfold between groups of finger-snapping, gum-popping, neck-rolling “queens” while their uncles, brothers and cousins pile into a different room to cheer on muscle-bound behemoths who “nay nay” every time they score a touchdown or sink a jump shot (very suspect).

Perhaps it all started when Ja Rule and 50 cent began singing love ballads in the early 2000’s, or maybe it happened the day Kevin Hart slipped into a dress for a comedy skit, making him the most recent addition to an extensive list of African American male entertainers who have emasculated themselves for others to laugh. I’m still struggling to pinpoint the exact moment when we decided that blonde hair and body-piercings (ahem, Chris Brown) were acceptable additions to a man’s appearance?

I pondered these questions one evening after watching the reunion episode of Love and Hip Hop Hollywood this season. “Why are these niggas [the male cast members of the show] behaving like schoolgirls,” I wondered aloud. Then it dawned on me. For years black males have been reared by single mothers or grandmothers, each saddled with the burden of performing dual parenting roles. Without the presence of a consistent father figure, these boys consequently stumble into manhood without being prepared. Others develop girlish tendencies that intensify as they progress in age (ahem, Kanye West).

Sisters, lower your weapons, I’m not holding you responsible for the castration of black males. It’s not your fault that after giving birth, the fathers of your children aren’t performing their parental duties. However, we can’t ignore the pink elephant in the room. If mastering the “nay nay” is more important to our black boys than learning how to put on a necktie or balance a checkbook, then what can we expect when it’s time for them to step up as men? Here’s a list to prove that black men have become toilet-paper soft.

1. Homosexuality 

drag queens photo
There are more gay black men sampling each other these days than ever before. That’s right, gay is now the new black. Contrary to stereotypical images, which peg LGBT people as disproportionately white, male, urban and wealthy, a new survey shows that the LGBT community is actually largely African American, reports the Huffington Post. This group includes the gentlemen dressed in cheer-leading outfits, two carrying “pom poms,” pictured above. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being gay (that’s furthest from how I feel). However, the lifestyle doesn’t scream “masculinity.” Back in the day, coming out of the closet was on par with committing social suicide. Looks like things have changed. Ladies, I hope you can handle a little “competition.”

2. Skinny Jeans, Women’s Clothing, and Loud, Outrageous Colors

lil wayne photo 6
I could be mistaken, but aren’t skin-tight jeans traditionally designed for women? And speaking of women’s clothing, should we expect to see future generations of our young men emulate Jaden Smith by wearing frilly skirts? In the 90’s, black men generally purchased their clothing two sizes too big. The baggy look was in. These days, if the clothing isn’t tight, it aint right. Ladies, you might wanna consider hiding your dresses…they might be next to go.

3. The “Nay Nay” and Other Flamboyant Dances

tumblr_lrud0coRjU1qhsw0o photo
There’s nothing more disturbing than watching a grown man, especially those who are larger in stature, make his body move as if he’s in a Beyonce video. I don’t have a problem with black men who enjoy cutting a rug every now and then. But there’s a difference between the electric side and the “nay nay.” Ladies, do you want your boyfriend to be a better “twerker’ than you are? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

4. Blonde Hair and Body Piercings

chris brown sisqo photo
Do I really have to explain this one? Unless your name is Elton John, no man on earth, especially if he’s black, should be comfortable with having blonde hair. I bet that before they broke up, Chris Brown would use up Rihanna’s hair dye. That’s why they got into it that night after the Grammy party. She had had enough of her hair care products disappearing from the bathroom. When she confronted him about it, the estrogen in Brown’s system caused him to explode (the rest is history). Ladies, if your man’s hair is more luxurious than your’s, he might be on the down low.

5. Selfies (the only photo a man should be capturing is of a woman’s ass while he’s hitting it from the back).

selfie photo
In reference to the photo above, I have one question: Why is that muscle-bound Negro gently clutching such a tiny animal? I have a problem with abnormally large men owning abnormally small dogs (that’s suspect). However, I’m irked even more by guys who spend every waking moment of their life taking selfies like the Kardashian sisters. Real men avoid photo opportunities because they have better things to do, like climb mountains barehanded, in the snow, without a rope. Hey fellas, instead of buying selfie sticks, spend your money on a rifle and go hunting some moose like your great, great grandfather used to. Be a man!

6. Spreading Gossip (and wearing makeup if you’re Charlamagne Tha God)

charlamagne photo 9
A long, long time ago, men would gather in the cigar room and shoot pool while their wives gabbed in the kitchen about the latest gossip news. These days, the tables appear to be turning and men are indulging in gossip and rumors. The world of social media is replete with male trolls (like Charlemagne Tha God) who enjoy sipping the proverbial gossip tea. Hey fellas, do yourselves a favor and leave the mud-slinging to Wendy Williams. It’s simple: women gossip, men are supposed to ignore the chatter.

7. Too emotional

bitch nigga crying photo
I have three words for the image above: BITCH-ASS-NIGGA. If I recall, this photo was taken during the Whitney Houston tribute at the BET awards a few years back. Perhaps I’m being overcritical, but doesn’t it seem odd that Soldier Boy (emphasis on ‘boy’) was crying his eyes out over a woman he barely knew? And don’t get my started on the placement of his jewel-covered hands. (What a bitch). Like this goon, black men can’t keep their emotions in check. That’s why so many of them assault and kill one another (it’s because they react to conflict with the same level of emotional instability as their mothers). Real men aren’t swayed by emotion. But I suppose that’s asking for too much these days.

8. Unemployment (can’t provide like a ‘real man’ should) 

man-with-empty-pockets photo
Men are natural providers (it says so in any Anthropology or Sociology book ever published). So why are there so many black men dependent on their women for survival? I’m not oblivious to America’s unemployment issue, but that doesn’t excuse adult males from hustling to create income. If you ask me, a man who relies on the charity of his woman really isn’t a man at all. Hey fellas, get off the couch, find a job and reclaim your manhood. Otherwise, you won’t ever be allowed to wear the pants in your relationship, you’ll be wearing the panties. Then again, some of ya’ll probably like that idea…(smh).


cory haywood

The Black Hat is written by  Southern California based  Cory A. Haywood, a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his blogs: and, or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood




  1. Wow. Smh. A few things:
    1. What does homosexuality have to do with straight men that you think aren’t masculine enough?
    2. I love skinny jeans… way better than baggy IMO.
    3.I love flamboyant dances.
    4. I love blonde hair on people of color…us whiteys dye our hair too, so what’s the difference?
    5. I think that pic of the guy with the dog is sexy because it shows his tender side.
    6. I hate gossip no matter the gender.
    7. Only strong men are not afraid to show emotion.
    8. While personal responsibility is to blame for unemployment sometimes, you also need to step back and look at the bigger picture of racism, poverty and other societal issues that have fed a vicious cycle.

  2. This was a waste of my time. Isn’t there a hotep group or religous site that would suit the writings of the poster? I was hoping eurweb was better than this, but hope wanes.

  3. I enjoyed the read but the crazy part about that is as men or as time existed we always try to impress the womaen.. Its crazy that the woman give this weirdo ish a pass and we continue to do it.. Yea some are born in female households with no father figure but some men have identity crisis and its alot of em you may get a large majority that don’t but the media wont glorify that not at all. But i def liked the read i do have alot more too say but i think im not…

  4. This makes you sound bitter like you’re extremely upset about something and it has nothing to do with people expressing themselves. There are a lot of things wrong with your post. The way you talk about a ‘black man’ for example seriously why do black men have to be a certain way you’re demon ozone your own community not everyone who is of your race, background, or culture should have to be exactly the same. Diversity is a good thing even amongst ones own community. I think you should take down your post your doing men (and women because you sound terribly sexist) a disservice. What you said about how men shouldn’t be emotional (honestly who hurt you) men need to express themselves. Sometimes women cry and sometimes men want to but with jerks like you they don’t get that opportunity. And I get it if your like crying doesn’t do anything, but it does its a release that can be very helpful. There’s no point in holding all of your emotions in that’s not what life is about. Do you want to die stiff or relaxed (even though your going to be dead)
    I do agree with you about the blonde hair (only becuase it’s just ugly, that’s all I agree but not with the way you put it though) but that’s honestly about it. If you want to help black men out encourage them to be themselves not a contrived version of what our awful society wants. Tell them to get an education, to encourage one another, to be respectful, and to express themselves emotionally (men deserve that right just like women).
    It would be nice if people stopped expecting different people (we are all different from each other you know D.N.A and all) to be like exactly everyone else. I don’t really know what else to say your post is just wrong and doesn’t say much about you.

  5. This is such a dumb and sexist article I don’t even know where to begin. This isn’t even a black male issue, you just have something against men. STOP telling men what to do. If they become ‘softer’ (i.e express any emotion besides anger/rage) isn’t that a good thing for society in general? Wouldn’t that fix a lot of problems humanity has struggled with since day one? Wouldn’t exploration of the self be good for men’s mental health? Not to stupid, bossy macho men, apparently. You want your brothers to be maladjusted, violent, misogynistic, and so unemotional they could pass for sociopathic. You want men to be emotionless – a condition that is abnormal, esp. for our species. And when they have issues stemming from all this suppression and take it out on other people, they will get blamed/jailed/killed for it. Instead of pushing incredibly unhealthy masculinity standards on men, you should be supporting them in abolishing this nonsense once and for all. If you really care about the status of men, you would support men who love other men. But men like you are selfish and want to force other men to look ‘tough and bad-ass’ so it makes your gender look superior. It’s sad. You are depriving men of getting the most out of life when you do that. No one will get hurt as a result of this more than men. Also, if you have to push this strange concept called masculinity so hard on men, maybe that isn’t really their natural condition anyway. If it wasn’t for socialization, men and women would be alike. I think this is the shift we’re seeing now. And it’s a good thing. This is what progress looks like. Hopefully you’ll be on the right side of history.

  6. What disgusting bigotry. Men are what they are. Nothing is changing. Perhaps mens weren’t ever what you thought they were. Perhaps men should NEVER define themselves by what people who AREN’T men have to say. There isn’t a woman in the world who knows men as well as she things that she does. If you don’t believe that then find a man with courage and he’ll tell you the same thing.
    If you’ve never been a man, then you have no idea what men should or should not be. You simply have no say. If you are a man, please realize that your definition apply ONLY to you since it would be impossible for you to define manhood for anyone else. Get real.


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