Sat, Nov 21, 2009
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Name:
Trianna007
Comment: Why is she posing this question to someone other than herself? If you are ok with dating a man that has dated men they continue the relationship. If you are not then don't. I don't even think it's a question of lying, unless you specifically asked him the question.
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Name:
HarrisThomas
Comment: intimacy in relationships can ill or pass along long-term STDs . . . the gentleman(?) lied by omission and the omission could be life-threatening
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Name:
Mas90
Comment: I'm tired people placing STD's with gay men when str8 woman can get it too from having sex with real str8 men.
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Name:
WillSap
Comment: Yeah, i don't think bein' Gay equals havin' and STD, and don't see where he lied...unless she asked him specifically...shy does she choose to jump all over dude, only hearing this womans view...not fair or just!
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Name:
arkansasgirl
Comment: I'm with HarrisThomas. It's lying by omission. That's something you tell a woman you are trying to date.
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Name:
OSUN
Comment: Arkansas et al, when do you tell someone that. Let me preface this comment, but I would not be interested in dating a gay/bisexual or formerly gay man. But I think at five months of knowing him, she got wrapped up to quickly. You are still on your best behaviour the first six months of dating someone. Unless she asked him in the beginning has he ever been with men which I am sure she didn't when does he tell her. He obviously told her about his past because before they move forward she would know. This is hard to say. I definitely think he should have told her before they became physically intimate. That is not addressed in this question.
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Name:
queeniebunz
Comment: >Osun - When do you tell someone that? As soon as possible! I guess we need to add "have you ever had homosexual sex" to the questionaire we ask a man/woman before things progress. Of course, he/she could lie. Look at Duane Martin. Jeez...before I get jumped on, I didn't say he lied. Just that he didn't divulge very important information before marriage...
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Name:
OSUN
Comment: Queenie - I agree that when you ask a man if he is married or has a girlfriend, do you have any kids, do you have a job, what is your hiv status, have you had sexual relations with men. I dont see a problem asking that question. I just dont see bisexual, formerly gay men, or men who have had sex with other men but don't consider themselves gay just giving out that info freely within the first couple of dates. I agree that it needs to come quickly thought b/c you have women who feel like they have found Mr Right after five months of dating. Some women move really fast in relationships.
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Name:
Closet_Nerd_Girl
Comment: >Queenie- Duane Martin is on the DL??!!! What!!??? I missed that news. Please fill me in.
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Name:
OSUN
Comment: Closet Nerd there was a rumor out that Duane Martin filed for divorce stating that he was gay. It is not true. TMZ indicated that story was not from them(there was a fake story out attributed to tmz). Duane and Tisha has denied the rumors of gayness and divorce
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Name:
Closet_Nerd_Girl
Comment: Thanks for clearing that up OSUN.
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Name:
McNasty
Comment: Five months ain't long enough for you to even consider staying with a man that has admitted he has walked on the dark side. Once you make that two backed beast you develop a taste for it that does not go away. If you don't mind sharing your man with other men occasionally, then by all means - stay! By all reports a lot of the aids cases among black women came from dl men now this chick has a man that has fessed up and she's confused? about what? decision should be an easy one damn the slim pickings!!!
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Name:
McNasty
Comment: Because of the potential danger a person that has lived an alternative lifestyle should divulge that immediately. I'm not saying on the very first date but certainly before you sleep with them.
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Name:
4462DG
Comment: Used to date men, is that a new way of saying you had sex with men, lol!!! Folks say you are crazy when you want to wait at least 6 months before sex, but see this shyt came out in 5 months, she's bummed out because she must have gave up the sex, I hope it wasn't unprotected sex!!!!!! The pickings are slim, but let's not be so damn desperate, you're in your 30's not 50's, don't let your desperation make you settle for something you'll regret.
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Name:
Kofi
Comment: McNasty, Check the Centers for Disease Control and you will find that only 2% of HIV csses in women came from men on the DL. It is true that most women contract AIDS/HIV through heterosexual contact but, that contact is with men who inject drugs. Gay or bisexual does not automatically equal AIDS/HIV. Lets keep it real, if a woman said she experimented with other women it would not be an issue and there would be no letter to AC.
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Name:
McNasty
Comment: Kofi figures lie and liars figure - the fact that men are sexing other men and don't consider themselves gay and don't find it necessary to divulge that message is more prevalent than it should be. The fact that this 'letter' is about the dl lifestyle doesn't make my post any less relevant - just needs a few words altered. Thanks anyway.
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Name:
btrpcon
Comment: okay, let me get this st8. you been dealing with a man that has lied to you, and your asking another woman what you should do about it, am i right? get your head outta your azz, you already know what you should do about it. LIG!! Simply or not so simply as that! Why is it that all these stupid azz woman have to ask another woman's opinion about what they should do or shouldnt do in their lives? grow up, get off the tit and use the muscle power of your own brain. gawd!!!
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Name:
oldschoolbrother
Comment: Pickings are not slim, that is such a tired lie these days. There are many available black men now.
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Name:
McNasty
Comment: Oldschoolbrother depends on what you're looking for. Because of what some women want they end up with these undercover brothers after walking past a service employee or a mechanic - both of whom are decent providers.
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Name:
OSUN
Comment: Aint nothing wrong with a blue collar man. That is my preference. Strong Hands(he he he)
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Name:
amethyst
Comment: Okay, he is guilty of omission. However, this sister hasn't kept up with the dating handbook in the 21st century. One of the important questions is "Have you ever been with a man?" That is on the questionnaire along with how many baby-mamas do you have, do you have your own residence, do you have a steady job, etc. E. Lynn Harris enlightened us in the 1990's that the DL was going on.
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Name:
amethyst
Comment: oldschoolbrother - I'm sympathetic to sistas who feel the pickings are slim. However, I am optimistic that there are good single Black men out there; I even know some. But in my experience (and many of my single friends) you don't run into them regularly. I consider them to be Black pearls: a rare jewel to be appreciated when found. Also, I live in the ATL so meeting 100% heterosexual, monogamous men can be challenging. :) McNasty and OSUN are correct that some women overlook some brothers because they don't fit the image they are chasing. Any brother with a legal job who is holding down his responsibilities is a good brother, IMO.
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